My ex died at 41 (mostly a vent)

I had an on again off again communication with my ex I trauma bonded with during the worst era of my life. We havent seen eachother or been together for 3.5 years. The last year has been falls, late night crying calls, telling me dumb ass stories.

I have been texting him for months and saw my messages on read and for some reason had this inclination to google his name and the word obituary. wallah. He died after spending 25 days in the icu prob bc he was forced into a medical withdrawal and his consumption was insane and for decades.

1. I am PISSED. His sister has been reading my texts, has intimate content bc she has his phone and she didn’t think to let me know or at least block me. For 3 months I thought he was ignoring me and he was DEAD. I feel a certain kinda way about not having human decency to at least just tell me or block me, but for me to see messages in real time being read felt shitty.

2. The obituary painting him as a noble normal physicist omfg- dude was a predatory sociopath who preyed on vulnerable women and destroyed them.

3. I was treated like complete shit. Sure that‘s on me for staying, but was too messed up myself at the time to really step away.

felt sad the first couple of days and now I’m just angry. We’re going to make him a little church going boyscout on an obituary and I’m reading it like feeling physical anger. The dude a couple years ago hooked up with his best friend‘s 19yo while getting her wasted while his best friend was passed out. (20 year age difference and knew the girl since age 8) grooming and predatory.

the stories are all insane like this one.

so now that he’s dead he’s a good person? wtaf. I’m tired of this whole notion that it’s all the addiction. when I was an addict I didnt go seek out men 20 years younger to prey on or do any of this stuff. I never even contemplated shit like this at the bottom of the bottom of my own life.

mostly just relieved he’s dead and I am unwilling to see him as a good person who was broken. Feel pissed his family sat there and read my texts making me believe I was being ignored. I get people grieve different, but I would have rather been blocked if they didn’t have anything to say.

how do you even reconcile a death of an addict who treated you like shit?