because of traumatic experiences I see all work interactions as hostile interactions

I'm 38, I have a very weird work history (if it can be called a work history), where things always went bad for me.

I'm an high conscientiousness individual who started working at 19 by starting his own freelance business. I had very sought after skills but because of my conscientiousness and no support (people close to me were actively against me), I ended up being taken advantage of.

My life has been a cycle of making very little money (below Italian poverty line, not even every year) and burning out and going back to work and burning out, etc etc for almost 20 years now. All this while seeing people with way less skills than me getting regular jobs without any issue.

Anyway, in 2024 I thought I had finally found some decent people to work with but they also screwed me. After that betrayal I got into another weird situation of late payment, then one interview which I really didn't act how they acted. Then I broke for good. I've never been this broken in my life.

My brain doesn't think in an healthy way anymore. For example if I imagine myself doing an interview, I imagine fighting the interviewer eventually. If I imagine getting a job, my brain imagines scenario where I'll be taken advantage of.

All scenarios are hostile. My brain cannot think differently.

This is not just imagination. The few interviews I got, I actually became hostile, trying to see how they were trying to screw me. Although the default mode all my life has been polite, and still is, I'm not able to be so in anything work-related.

I'm completely unable to work because of the way my brain imagines things and acts on the moment, and this has been going for a couple years now, I have to find a way to stop this way of thinking.

ps. I already go to the gym, I can relate to people normally and I'm usually well liked. The problem is only this thinking pattern. I don't have the money for therapy (barely for food lol), even if I had I wouldn't spend them because I don't think the therapy system works (I already spent 7000 euro on it in the past, I got more out of Dr K youtube videos)