Love hate relationship with having ADHD

hi guys I'm 19f and have ADHD but also cannot legally have ADHD meds anymore because I abused them at 17 and od'd. that was on accident by the way. anyways I am unmedicated.

i have these serve boredom crash outs and it requires me to get dopamine right away. because of this I have had many fun and rare experiences I always have a story to tell sometimes hard to believe but I have witnesses lol. in highschool I was wild always doing psychedelics and partying or going to the psych ward or hanging out with new people doing art or exploring abandoned buildings. when I was 18 I moved to the other side of the country with basically no support and made a whole group of friends quick and now live rent free with some awesome ladies I met in a nice beautiful neighborhood and house. i have always been able to make it work and have fun.

bad part is I really struggle with stability and making it work while having something to work around. i get so bored it feels like my head is exploding and if I get to bored it's going to erupt into a major impulsive decision. i am also a beautiful woman so that being said I know how many men would love to take advantage of me given the chance which has happened before. that's scary.

so basically I love that I have done so much and experienced a lot due to my impulsiveness but I am not loving how dangerous and unstable I can be at times. it seems like everything in my life is constantly changing.