I coerced my bf and I can’t live with it

I begged and tried convincing my bf to have sex with me for days leading up to this. One day when we were touching each other I asked him if he wanted to and he said yes, but I feel as though I pressured him into making that decision. He said I took advantage of him and I agree, he said yes because he was already in the mood and I asked him knowing that he would probably say yes because of that. I didn’t realize at the time that what I was doing is considered sexual assault, I thought it was just selfish which is still terrible. I felt horrible immediately afterwards and now I can’t live with myself knowing I hurt the person I love the most. I hope I haven’t traumatized him for life. I can’t believe I did that to him and I feel like a disgusting monster. My soul feels like it’s rotting. I don’t want any sympathy I just need to get this out. I’m going to take my own life because I can’t live with this guilt. To any survivors of sexual violence, I’m sorry and I hope you find peace.