Hoping to be understood and understand

Hi all, I've been lurking for about a month now reading every single post. Jumping on an alt account to try to maintain privacy. I'm a parent and my almost 14 year old AMAB kiddo has come out as trans.

I'm having all the feels. She hasn't advanced through puberty yet so we have a Dr. appointment soon to find out what our options are. I'm the type of person who is highly skeptical of everything and I always favor less medicine in general, so the idea of jumping to a Dr. is incredibly uncomfortable for me. I can't stop crying for fear. The only thing that helps me move forward is that blockers can be discontinued and puberty can start up again if this isn't supposed to be the right path.

Here is where I'm tripping up. I can't speak for anyone else, but for myself I have gone through so many phases in my own life. I am neurodivergent and seek novelty. My child is the same. I've participated in several subcultures, switched religions several times, swore I didn't want kids then changed my mind, have been in many relationships, have multiple degrees.... etc. Sometimes these "phases" last for years. So yes ... I'm worried that this could not stick. And if there wasn't a physical risk I honestly think I would have a more curious heart. But my heart is heavy because I think, God forbid if I would have made any decision that would have impacted my fertility at 16. I fully believe some people can ... I'm not one of those people. I fear my child isn't either. This all feels like a huge risk.

So I vacillate ... one minute I can see how beautiful she will be and I feel excited to see where this goes. Another I'm balling my eyes out thinking of HRT risks down the line. I think of all the hate, all the discrimination and I get ill. Hell, I was pretty upset about all that stuff before she came out, it's just completely personal now. And then I feel better again, somehow. If I didn't know better , I'd think I'm going crazy. Definitely struggling on the emotional regulation front.

Anyway, I know I can't magic up an answer. And frankly I don't even know what I'm looking for in this post. If you've made it this far thank you for listening. I guess I need hope.