I’m not sure if I’ll ever get over my fear

I’ve been doing so well the past couple of months with not being here and trying my best to stay away from reassurance but tonight I’ve failed myself in all the hardwork I’ve put into with accepting all that my doctors had told me after a month of testing back in September telling me I had absolutely no Nuerological disorders. I’m about to be 21 and I developed the biggest fear of *** back in July of 2025 when I started experiencing excruciating pain in my arms and head that eventually got better but hasn’t gone away completely but is very much manageable + my BFS like symptoms which haven’t gone away or stopped bothering me since this all started.

I’ve tried accepting that I’ve been told I’m going to be ok and that I’ve had these symptoms for almost a year now so the worst can’t get me. But Im in constant fear every single day of my life. I check my legs and my arms in the mirror every morning or when I get out the shower. I subconscious check my self when I’m out in public. I can’t stand to look at any part of my body that twitches which is almost every single part besides my face.

I’m trying to feel normal but I just can’t. I don’t know what do or how to tell others that this is happening to me. I just want to stop living in constant fear. I want to be happy with myself again. But every twitch convinces me it’s a sign that maybe the doctors were wrong. That maybe I’m not too young to have something serious.

No one in my family has ever had a neurological disorder. We mostly have cancer like normal people. Which comforts me whenever I try to rationalize with myself.

But I feel stuck in a nightmare. And tonight I’ve let the fear consume me again.

I don’t know what to do.

The only thing that has kept me sane is the fact that they really don’t happen whenever I’m out in public. So I feel comfortable wearing shorts and a short sleeve shirt cause I know it won’t happen when I’m around others. Which I’m very thankful for cause I would hate to have to explain to someone why my arm or my leg is twitching lmao.

Some advice would really help me out right now :)