I feel very conflicted and I don't know what to do

For the past three years I get a lot of flashbacks for every time my parents abused me or said something that is f*cked up. I get in a state of rage so quickly. A few days ago I went to my mom to ask her husband with will come for a vacation to celebrate Easter (he works abroad and comes home for the holidays). She told me that I should call him dad and he is my father whether I like it or not. And that comment just made my blood boil for a few days. She knew all the things he did to me, she was there when I was so depressed that I was laying down in bed like a body. She know how much I have suffered yet she always takes his side. She even said it herself in a phone call '' She never defends him. I, for example, always defend my husband no matter what''. And I got so angry and I had so much resentment for her. When I started university, there was a shift in our schedule. I needed to go to bed at 11 PM so u could wake up at 7 AM to commute to my uni. But no matter how much I would fight my mom and scream at her and beg her, she would stay up cooking until 1 Am in the morning. So I was sleep deprived + vomiting every week bc I had car sickness ( and when I was remembering traumatic things I would also vomit) + going through a very difficult breakup + my childhood trauma started to resurface. I would always tell her the importance of me resting and she would 90% ignore it. For the past few months I started prioritizing my rest and u had to go almost every night and tell her it's time to go to sleep. Bc if I wouldn't she would stay till late at night and I wouldn't be able to sleep. My house has very thin walls and you can hear everything and I can't close the door bc we have a cat. Anyways, yesterday I wanted to address the fact that It bothers me when she forces me to have a relationship with my father. I wanted to make an experiment, so u got up on the chair and I told her I'm him and you're me. And I started calling her some names my father used to call me. She couldn't look me in the eyes and was avoiding me. I was asking her if she likes it, if it makes her feel good and she avoided answering for a bit and she said ' I know he offended you and I know how it feels'. After that I saw that it's almost 11 PM and she has no plans going to sleep and u just got so angry. I started screaming at her. This morning I was also very angry and I lashed out at her. After our argument she fainted. I feel guilty bc I didn't want her to cause her harm. I feel very stuck, bc my father crossed the boundaries that fall into the SA category. He would always call me names, humiliate me, abuse my mother verbally and psychologically until she would faint and I had to see that when I was like 9 years old. He would tell me that I would become nothing in life, that I'm useless, unlovable, stupid etc. I also have a disabled brother that would beat his head on a wall and have meltdowns and I would just be left alone with him. And when I didn't manage to calm him down or when he would beat me he would call me names too. I always resented my father and leaned to my mother more. She would pay 99% of the bills, the food, the clothing, the supplies, EVERYTHING. So my father basically would just antagonize us. But I hate how she always excused his behavior, she wouldn't defend me, and sometimes she would team up with him to hurt me. She would be controlling, she would take my clothes from the shelves and throw them on the floor, would rip my notebooks if she saw they weren't completed, would beat me or scream at me for getting a B. She would always start an argument before I would go to sleep and sometimes before hanging out with my friends. After graduating highschool I wanted to find a job and take a year gap to understand what I want to do with my life and start supporting myself in order to get out of the house. But my mom would very strongly oppose this bc she thinks that a degree gets u a good paying job ( but it was more bc she had the chance of going to uni but she rejected it and I feel like she wanted me to achieve this for her ). I wanted to be a vet before ( but they would be telling me that I would end up just sticking my hand in cows' asses🤦), then I wanted to be a psychologist (they told me I'm not fit for this and it's not paying well), so I just chose whatever and went with it. The years I was in university were very difficult, I was vomiting, had insomnia, depression, anxiety, dissociation, and my parents wouldn't be helping. My mother never respected my agency, my wellbeing and my needs. When I would fails she would say something like ''that is what you get for wanting to be independent". I have two months before I graduate and I have so much to do. But all day I stay addicted to my phone or ruminating trauma. I tried healing, but healing in the place where trauma is caused and where you're constantly dismissed just isn't working. Bc of all my mental illness I have no social intelligence, no charisma, no prospects for the future. I have no job, I still haven't graduated and my degree is useless. I have applied for a job and they still didn't call me. But the pay is very low and it wouldn't allow me to move out. Today I was very overwhelmed so I ended up screaming at my mom and treating her badly and u told her this is how u used to treat me. All of the sudden she fainted and I feel bad for it. I can't get out of this yet I can't stay in. Nobody wants to change. They always ignore my needs, then I explode and they end up being hurt. I'm just tired.