I'm tired

I'm spiraling. I resent my parents. I resent my life. I guess I'm in such a low mood right now because i dont have a proper support system. i am alone with no one to really help me. I also just got injured and I'm suffering with sciatica and I'm about to be homeless due to not being able to pay rent.

I just need to get some things off my chest. I also could use some advice on how to cope.

Growing up, I had a absentee dad who was barley in my life and showed up when it was convenient for him. He is mentally slow and emotionally unavailable and I resent the man. So I grew up in a single parent household with my mom and four other siblings. My mom had a mental breakdown when she divorced my step dad and quit the jobs she was working to support us. She said God told her to do it but I believe it's BS. I now think It was her being overwhelmed and having a mental break down. Because of this decision, we were homeless and we started to heavily depend on the government for assistance. When we finally got more stable housing, we were still dirt poor because she wanted to continue to depend on the government instead of supporting her children. I have a disabled brother that we had to take care of and she would barely help out with him. With his disability he is incontinent. We did not know how to properly care for him nor did we know how to keep the house clean. The house was always a mess and there was feces everywhere. I was the one they mostly blamed if the feces was not picked up because we shared a room together. We both were bed wetters. Our room smelled of piss and shit. I was bullied, outcasted at school and did not have friends due to childhood obesity and not being hygienic. I smelled like pee all the time and I remember when the teachers asked me about the urine smell. Like a child is supposed to know how to answer those questions?! 🙄 😒 I did not stop wetting the bed until I was 16 years old. I had to process being molested as a child in therapy and that was the reason why I was wetting the bed. I then eventually stopped bed wetting. I had to attempt SI to convince my mom to sign me up for therapy... there's more traumatic stuff that has happened to me but I'm exhausted with it all... I just hate the hand I've been delt in life with. I can't continue to blame my upbringing on why my life sucks as a 27 year old grown woman... I have to take accountability for my own decisions. I just know that my now current mental health has been greatly impacted due to my upbringing. I keep spiraling and I need to stop this never ending cycle.

I know that reparenting myself is going to take time. I don't blame my parents for everything. I take accountability for the self sabotage that I keepnfalling for. I just needed to vent for the crap I have went through in life.