Health issues. Went back to the Philippines Starting again at mid 30s

I don’t know what to do with my life right now. I feel lost and I don’t know how to start again. I know people say “while there’s life, there’s hope,” but I can’t help feeling scared and anxious about everything.I’m 34F, and like many others, I also dreamed of having my own family someday. But right now, that dream feels so uncertain.

Two years ago, I had a chance to work in New Zealand with a visa sponsorship from a very kind employer. I was so close just about to renew my visa last month when everything suddenly changed. In the first week of February, I was diagnosed with a rare autoimmune disease that I never expected because I always thought I was healthy.

All my routine lab tests, scans, and MRI came back normal, except for one antibody that led to my diagnosis. It all happened so fast. I just woke up one day with a droopy eyelid. No other symptoms. I thought it wasn’t serious but it turned out to be something serious. was diagnosed with myasthenia gravis (class I ocular). I’m really hoping it won’t progress, and I’m doing my best to follow treatments so it doesn’t get worse.

I came back to the Philippines in the second week of March scared, with no clear plan, feeling like everything I worked for just fell apart. What hurts even more is that I was only two years away from becoming eligible for residency in New Zealand.

The anxiety hit me hard not just because of the illness, but because of the uncertainty of my future and my family’s future. But I’m trying to hold on to the idea that there’s still light at the end of the tunnel.

Right now, I’m just starting treatment. I can still function normally, and I feel okay most days, but it’s still an autoimmune disease, and there’s no cure.

What’s really painful is feeling like I was already given a great opportunity like everything was finally falling into place for me to stay in New Zealand but then my own health betrayed me.

I’m trying to stay strong, but honestly… I’m scared of what comes next.