I feel like I’m slowly losing my girlfriend (and myself)… what can I do?

Hi everyone,

I’m a 34-year-old man, and my girlfriend is 27. We’ve been together since 2020. What started as her staying over on weekends gradually turned into unofficially living together, and at the beginning of 2025 she officially moved in with me and gave up her room at her parents’ house.

Lately, things haven’t been going well.

She didn’t finish her education when she was younger, and now she feels stuck in a job she really doesn’t like. The job requires long days and early mornings, while she’s naturally more of a night person. In the evenings she struggles to fall asleep, wakes up multiple times during the night, and on her days off she often stays in bed most of the day.

What I also notice is that she doesn’t really feel “at home” here. She misses having a place of her own. I genuinely want to give her that, but realistically it’s difficult right now. She has an expensive hobby (going to concerts), which is also pretty much the only thing she still looks forward to. Because of that, there isn’t much financial room left to change things around in the house.

The hardest part is that I can literally see her energy draining day by day.

Last year, when things at her job started getting worse, I wasn’t there for her as much as I should have been. I was in the middle of finishing my bachelor’s degree while also working 40 hours a week. I still feel guilty about that.

Right now, most of the household responsibilities fall on me, on top of my full-time job. On weekends, I try to get her out of the house and do something together, but that often leads to frustration. She gets irritated with me, and I end up feeling rejected or helpless.

I really don’t want to lose her. I want to help her. But the longer this goes on, the more I feel it starting to affect me too. I’m sleeping worse, feeling more down, and slowly running out of energy myself.

Recently she went to a doctor, and after being referred to specialists, there’s a possibility that she might have a hormonal imbalance. So there could be a medical aspect to this, but that process is slow.

I guess I’m struggling with questions like:

• How do you support someone who has so little energy themselves?
• How do you set boundaries without making them feel abandoned?
• Should I keep trying to motivate her, or give her more space?
• And how do you deal with the constant tension and frustration?

Any advice, experiences, or perspectives would be really appreciated.

Thanks in advance 🙏