What next ?

What next ?

hi long post. all am \[37F\] in mid thirties and thinking of what can give me peace.

I am the elder daughter of a huge family with lot of restrictions and somehow I made my way through it. Focused on studies and only that and ended up in a good career. I have always been earning more than sufficient for my family.

I got married to a family and my family was in an urgency to get me married at 24?! and without enquiring enough they pushed me to family in the name of marriage. I had no say in my marriage although I was already earning well.

Right after my marriage within 3 days they sold all my jewels to settle their debts. Whenever fight picked up on this, they said it's my duty as a daughter in law. I have been this person who always chooses peace over money and am someone who feels content with money and believe it can be earned anytime if you are sincere enough. so I let it go.

My husband lost his job within a month and they blamed it on me as I brought all these bad luck. truth is he never had a good job all his life. we are married for 12 yrs and for first 10 yrs this was the case. I didn't want to have children and they forced me into it threatening they would divorce me if I don't and I foolishly to protect the integrity of my parents, had 2 children. extremely smart and very lovabale.

my husband never had a stable job and always controlled me by breaking things at home or by behaving violently with me on top of balackmailing about divorce.

I was the bread winner of the family and solely gave my two children the best education, took care of the house and everything.

Few years back we moved abroad and again I am in a very good position, I brought a house in a very short time and also a car.My kids get the best education and my husband lived with zero efforts. Here and there he went to a job but would resign when he feels it irritating or tired and he was asking me money to start a business whole time and I was dodging since I had no trust. he does love his kids and do household chores but never allows me talk or say my opinion if I do so again he breaks things, gets violent and says how his mom was a great woman and am nowhere close to it.

few years back again to save my mental peace I gave him crores of rupees to start a business in this foreign land. it's going pretty well and he has transformed into this fully responsible person. he truly has. sometimes I even think I should've given him a chance earlier seeing how good he is at it. Now I have a job, 2 young kids and the house to maintain all by myself. I am in a quiet high position and it's a demanding job. so am exhausted. He also expects I should spend atleast 2 hrs everyday for his business because that is more important but I shouldn't quit my job, my kids should be at their best all time and the house should be neat and tidy - if not violent behavior repeats.

I have carried the weight for so long that it is extremely tired and exhausting. Now I feel like I don't need money, spouse and I want to move to somewhere where I get nothing but peace. I approached a therapist and he belittles me everytime saying therapists are humbug and I am being unrealistic. he always calls me an Idiot and says am foolish who doesn't know how to lead a happy life..and quotes himself how intelligent he is and how happy he was all his life.

I was never happy although I am very successful in the eye of the society because I am tired and exhausted. and am done.

I learnt a language at mid thirties and secured a foreign citizenship for me and my kids and thinking of a divorce.

my husband is not a citizen as he needs to put his efforts to gain that and he has not. so If I divorce him now he loses the right to live in this country and so am hesitant on ethical grounds and also since his new business is making him responsible. Am stuck because I don't want to do this to him as honestly we also had some nice moments as a family & I have felt loved. But I am mentally done.

what should I do?