My life feels aimless.

Hey everyone, I am a 21 male and I’m having a hard time coming to terms with to put it simply everything, and I feel as though I failed myself. About 2 years ago I had received a diagnosis of ptsd and it felt like my symptoms came out of nowhere it was as though one day I was okay and then then the next I had constant anxiety and panic attacks I’ve never been an amazing student but I was at least average and after the sudden shift in my mental state my grades dropped drastically after and after a year of being struggling to even get out of bed in the morning I flunked out of college. I’m not the type to use mental illness as an excuse because at the end of the day my failure is on me. But now I’m just I’m wandering aimlessly through life, and now I’m faced with the idea that I might have to return home and I fear that will put me in a worse spot mentally. In truth I feel as though I have no one really my family is what caused my decline mentally and I’m in a relationship but I don’t feel fulfilled in it because I can’t see myself spending the rest of my life with her and I feel awful about that. I feel like I hold a lot of people together and by that I mean I feel like I’m a voice of reason to my friends my family and my girlfriend but I don’t feel like anyone is there to hold me together. I don’t know what to do anymore and it gets harder and harder everyday to see myself continuing on living I guess but I know I wouldn’t end it or anything I am the type to see things through even my own life. This post had no real direction or anything just thought I’d lay it all out because I’m running out of options I suppose.

TL:DR

I feel like a failure and I don’t know what to do with myself anymore and feel like a simple cog in a machine.