TW: se*ual violence with 15

I thought about for a long time whether I should share this. Not because I forgot about it but because I carried it alone for far too long.

Something happened to me that I couldn’t make sense of for a long time. It wasn’t a “clear” situation of violence like you might see in movies. It was confusing and invasive.

I remember that my boundaries were crossed.

I am almost 20 years old now, and when it happened, I was only 15. There was a boy at my school he was tall and strong, while I was unfortunately a thin and petite Girl . I didn’t know him , I only knew that he was popular with the girls. I had never spoken to him before. I assume he was around 17–18 years old at the time.

I’ve always had long hair, and back then I didn’t know that there are people who feel some kind of Lust for Hair .

When I was walking alone and no one else was around, the boy suddenly appeared behind me and pulled my hair. I was so shocked in that moment that my vision briefly went black. My body felt shut down, like I was blocked from the inside I couldn’t scream or make any sound. I was so afraid that I couldn’t even say “stop” or “let go of my hair.”

He wouldn’t let go and kept pulling my hair downward. The only way I tried to resist was by continuing to walk, hoping he would finally stop. But he kept going, pulling even harder the more I tried to move forward. It almost felt like he was trying to rip my hair out.

When he heard a noise in the hallway probably thinking someone might come or see him he stopped and shoved me hard.

This happened to me about three or four times, and each time I was extremely afraid and couldn’t say anything. He never said a word either.

After these incidents, I often experienced dissociation. I kept asking myself why he did this. As a child, you often end up blaming yourself instead of the person responsible. I started having thoughts like, “maybe it was because my hair was too long,” or “maybe something was wrong with me.”

I told my three friends at the time about what happened, but they didn’t care. They didn’t take me seriously maybe because he was the “popular boy.” Their indifference made me feel incredibly worthless, almost like no one would believe me.

It took years for me to process it, but today I know:

It was a violation of my boundaries, and it was not my fault.