I Haven't Told Anyone

I haven't uttered a syllable to anyone about why I broke up with my DA.

However, I suspect that my immediate circle are beginning to put two and two together, as the change in my personality must have been profound, as this has been damaging beyond belief.

Sharing the details of what happened would be far too humiliating, as everyone would question my intelligence for willingly enduring what should never have been tolerated for a second.

It's only been in the last month that I've accepted the fact that it was an abusive relationship.

I'm also between the devil and the deep blue sea, because we live on an island with a small population.

She's a respected member of the community, working as a volunteer firefighter, and first responder, so her reputation would be trashed if word of this got out.

My female friends would be baying for her blood if they found out.

Not only her, but it would cast a shadow on her daughter, son-in-law, and grandchildren who live here as well.

My family would be really upset. I just exited another malodorous relationship two years earlier, far worse than my DA relationship, and my poor mother was grieved by my plight back then.

I wish like hell that I could tell someone, anyone, face-to-face, but the shame would kill me.

I go through my days, hobbled by shame...and I still bump into that fucking asshole ex of mine at least once a week. It was twice in one day a few days ago.

She has no fucking shame. My face would never see the light of day ever again if I behaved in relationships like she did.

I feel completely wrecked.