raising my white flag

It took me way too long to get here. I really dragged my feet, kept lurking, kept hoping for something that was never coming. I kept every platform open, every chat thread alive, every little corner where your name could pop up like a bad habit I could not quit. But today, today I saw your story. And there you were. With him. Your boyfriend.

I will not lie. My first reaction was that familiar punch to the gut. That weird bitter mix of “ugh, of course” and “fuck, that actually stings.” But then I looked closer. And you looked happy. Comfortable. Safe. Like finally you were okay in somebody else’s arms. And part of me, maybe the part that has finally grown up a little, thought good for you. I really hope he treats you better than I could.

But of course the other part of me, the stubborn angry still salty part, snapped back. I told myself this. I fucking knew it. Long distance is hell. Long distance does not work, not for us, not for me, not for anyone who is not willing to be a damn superhero every single day. And honestly, we were not. It was never going to happen.

So today I am done. I am raising my white flag. I am letting go of hope, letting go of obsession, letting go of all those stupid “what ifs” that kept me up at night. I see you, I see him, I see it all, and I am finally stepping back.

Tangina hindi ko alam kung ano na mangyayari. Maybe I will look at the notifications I used to obsess over and smile sarcastically. Maybe one day I will actually feel peace. But for now, this is it. Goodbye, finally.