Advice juggling sexual harassment and work

Hi everyone. I just need some advice and a space to talk without being known. Ill try my best to keep it brief and anonymous..

I was in boarding school where I was sexually harassed quite frequently (never touched, but verbally and frequently). I tried to tell the teachers but they brushed it off and blamed me when I self harmed because of how much it affected me.

Fast forward end of last year i was again harassed by the same people. For context, I took have background in law.. wont specify exactly to avoid being known, but I do have legal training and experience. So this time when it happened I reported them and filed a report.

I am writing here now because I don’t know how else to say this and because people usually see me as a happy, fun, and outgoing person. But I am genuinely dying inside. I feel like my body is just a ragdoll. I feel that I am unimportant to everyone because nobody is truly seriously here for me because they think I can handle this (I am known since school to be a strict, independent, and maybe somewhat people see me as more masculine because of that lah..)

Because of the nature of my work, and the place i work at, I truly have no time to catch a breather.. i am expected to remain professional and on top of my work which is extremely understandable imo because i am not employed to be emotional… but i just… entahlah.

It’s really truly weighing on me. I have no words to say. I hate myself, my body. Sometimes I dont do anything at work because I just stare at the faces of my harassers and remind myself all that has happened.

I am seeing a therapist weekly but there’s nothing that helps. It’s been like since for almost a decade. I was harassed since I was a kid after all…

I dont know how to keep showing up to work and seeing people and them treating me like everything is ok. Its not okay. Why cant people see that. Im not ok. Its sexual harassment… and just because i laugh and do my work doesnt mean all is well.

I cry on the weekends and have my curtains drawn all the time. I feel like im being dramatic because in malay culture its so normalized when a man does this especially when u r from boarding school.

I dont want to freak out because people have treated me like I’m a lunatic when i freaked out due to harassment in the past. It could ruin my image in my career (i think? Idk) if i reacted strongly because of my field… where everyone is so professional and put together.. i dont want to make people at work think im weak or lazy or anything because this happened since december and its now april. Ive been okay all this time but dying inside slowly. And now that my hearing date is nearing, i truly became the shell of the woman i was before..

I dont know how to do this. Please tell me anything you think could help. Thanks.