Tell me about your relationships

TL;DR - I'm scared no one would want to 'take on' being in a serious, long-term relationship because of my Audhd symptoms. If you're in one tell me it's possible / how it works / how you met etc. Thanks.

I'm in my early 40s and I've always struggled with friendships and relationships. Diagnosed autism 5 yrs ago ADHD 2 yrs ago.

ADHD dopamine-seeking means I'm quite hypersexual and have had a lot of long-term FWBs with a heavy onus on s*x (no idea if Reddit would censor that word here?!).

The two(!) 'serious' relationships I have had (pre-diagnoses) have started out with them loving my 'quirky' personality and then they've ended up resenting my traits: messy house, lateness, loud talking in public, needing a lie down after going out for the day etc.

I discovered polyamory a few years ago and it worked for me because of the honesty. One relationship lasted 5 years (my longest) and I was happy: a busy, independent woman who was getting what she needed without games or deceit or the heteronormative set-up or domestic drudgery that kind of scares me (I can't imagine living with a partner and marriage has never appealed). During this relationship I got my autism diagnosis.

But I've realised recently that the poly thing is also about my self-esteem; if I am dating someone who has a long-term partner, i don't have to worry about whether they love me or we'll ever discuss moving in together etc. It's all pleasure They'll never have to 'put up' with or take on my weird behaviour and it's all about pleasure.

Last year I met someone who told me he loved how my brain worked and that my autism was a positive not a negative etc. It was also v sexually intense as we were both ADHD. I came alive! But just when things felt like they could get serious, he ended it - telling me he is an avoidant. It devastated me.

I am having a really tough time lately and am lonely as hell. My kid left home, my friends have all either moved away, ate busy doing couples stuff or got sick of me, and I'm worried about how I'll cope when my mum, who feels like my only ally, dies. I've realised maybe life is meant to be done in pairs and I'd like to try to find a life partner. I am a v nurturing person and want to be there for someone as much as they're there for me.

But it feels impossible. I very rarely find people who attract or interest me. And even when I do, I talk too much on dates and just can't rein it in. Even if someone does like me, I fear they'll get sick of me once they get to know the real me. I know people like me for sex but it's hard to believe they will like or want me for more. And I hate that I will always be like this. And I know being this needy makes me vulnerable. But I'm not sure I can do this life alone.

I am in therapy and working on this at the mo, but tbh the evidence that I'm right is pretty strong. I know Audhd affects people in different ways, but I thought might be good to hear from some AuDHD women who are in 'proper' relationships about how it happened and how it works for them. Thanks in advance if you feel like sharing your story.