I've realised that much of life is out of our control, and it's better to accept it than resist.

This post might seem depressing and negative, but it's not that.

When I was younger, I was a fairly good student. Not straight-As, but mostly B grades, some As. I always behaved and used to get frustrated at people who made school a living hell for teachers and other classmates. Within this, my comfort was that I would get a good education, establish a career, and live a solid and stable life as an adult. I believed that the world was just and fair, and that anyone who was "unsuccessful" did something to deserve that. By that logic I was going to be one of the "successful" ones. It was simple and made sense.

Fast forward to age 30, and things couldn't be any more different. Despite being educated to the Master's level, and applying for hundreds of jobs, I have spent my 20s in and out of entry-level retail positions. I still live at home with my parents and earn little money. I've been single for nearly 10 years (not for a lack of trying). I've failed at every career path I've tried to set myself on, sometimes fruitlessly spending many hundreds of hours learning a skill to build a portfolio. I don't understand how my life ended up like this despite being educated, hard-working, and well-intentioned.

Already, I hear people getting ready to tell me that I've obviously done something wrong. I get that, I really do. My approach to life hasn't been perfect and there are probably areas in which I could improve. But I look at people around me, and for them, success hasn't been this Herculean task. I know people that applied for a single graduate job, and got them. I know people that are in and out of relationships like they're frequent flyers. I know people who put in some effort towards something, and saw results. For others, this just isn't the case. They can try really hard at something, and get nowhere.

But here's where it gets more confusing. I look at the times in my life when I've had success, regarding going on dates, getting interviews, and seeing immense progress within personal projects.

I saw success within job processes and interviews for roles that I barely put effort into.

I had the most success with women when I stopped caring about self-improvement or being an attractive partner.

Some of my most successful work was completed within a short-time frame, compared to other projects wherein I spent hours and saw poor or no feedback.

None of this ever made any sense to me, considering how I've always been told that hard work and planning were absolutely essential to success.

I've also realised that a lot of successful people do not know what they're talking about. Mainly, they talk about what worked for them. But when it comes to advising someone else, it's clear they don't actually know what they did, because that advice is completely non-applicable to their situation.

Upon growing up and realising my life didn't turn out the way I intended, I started to learn to let go. I realised that not everything has to be your fault, and that blaming yourself often makes things worse. I realised how much of life is out of our control, and that trying to control it and weaponising that against yourself makes you feel powerless and depressed, and makes you blame yourself. I realised that by truly accepting your lot in life, you can let go and stop feeling bad about the things that didn't work out...and you can actually start to make the changes that would be best for you.

Realising this has caused the despair around my situation to lift massively.

I never wanted this to be a post about resigning yourself to fate and giving up. Yes, this post might seem like that, and it kind of is...but it's about positively resigning yourself to fate. Not everyone can be rich, successful, etc., and it's not a moral failing to fall short of these things. If you're someone who can be these things, great! If not, that's great too! But all of this is why I don't tie up my self-worth or judge level of success on how much I earn, or what job title I have...because so much of it is out of our control.

You might disagree with me. That's fine! However, if you do take something away from this, just try to have a little more empathy and understanding for people who feel like their lives didn't go as planned. Life isn't the same for everyone, and chances are they don't want to hear about how they've done everything wrong from someone who's supposedly done everything right.

Happy Easter.