Feeling betrayed by the person I opened up to

I (F23) have a history of SA. As a child I experienced SA. Oddly enough, I have very little memory of this. My grandmother and mother have told me this did happen though. They only admitted it to me after I came to them with major concerns a few years ago.

I was having reoccurring dreams since I was a child, flashbacks, and panic attacks when I smelt/seen certain things. Hotels in particular really trouble me. I have been in therapy for a while, and she diagnosed with me a dissociative disorder but wasn’t comfortable doing emdr saying I was not ready to recover these memories.

My childhood experiences are not my main concern though throughout this post though. What I am really troubled by is an experience that occurred when I was 21. It was one of the first times going out in public to get a drink I ever had. I met my sister and her boyfriend, and a fellow coworker of theirs. We had a few drinks, went back to her boyfriend’s house, and drank some more. After a few games, my sister asked me to take their friend home.

He was almost double my age, and I was picking up a terrible vibe from him. He had already kissed my arm several times at the bar. I pulled my sister aside and asked “can’t one of you please take him home? I don’t feel comfortable at all..” she seemed to of gotten angry at me. I was so shocked. She is my twin sister and usually so understanding, but she told me she wanted to stay with her boyfriend. I’m a pushover. I always have been. After some time I sighed and agreed.

He eventually got in my car and told me the general direction of where he lived. I got on the highway and headed that way just trying to be kind. Mid way through the drive he suddenly grabbed my face while I was driving on the highway and forced me to kiss him. I got so upset turning my head away. I said I didn’t like that, I’m trying to drive. He continued. He kept doing it, his hands on the inside of my thighs. I kept squirming away, but I am a coward afraid of telling someone to screw off. I kept rejecting him as I was driving, but he kept pushing more and more.

As we got closer to his home, I kept begging for an exact address and he refused to tell me. Instead he directed me to a field and ended up.. putting things to the next level. He cried when I started crying apologizing for being an old man, and a pervert. He even mentioned he could be my dad. I was shell shocked as he finally directed me to his home where his kids were sleeping.

Two days later I asked my sister to pick me up so we could talk. She took me to Dutch Bro’s where I told her everything her friend/co-worker did to me. She apologized but didn’t really care that much. It’s been maybe 2/3 years now and she still mentions him all the time and he is a topic of conversation. She even says she might invite him to things we have planned.. I just choose to not come. Is it me? Why does she do this..?! She’s my twin sister and best friend.. it hurts so very much. I would never ever do this. I can’t even imagine how she is comfortable being around him after knowing what he did to me.