maybe i’m not meant to be a high achiever

for context im currently a j2 student in an elite jc, and i got in through dsa (my l1r5 was only 1 point away from the cut off tho)

so tldr…. i just feel like the biggest bum ever. in secondary school, my days were packed with cca pres duties, council exco duties, olympiads, competitions etc AND somehow i still managed to balance my acads on top of everything

being in a top jc is so so different. i only hold some minor leadership roles and ive only participated in small competitions here and there (no achievements or anything😭)… and yet, i cant keep up with my acads at all.

my first j2 exam season just ended and i genuinely feel so numb and depressed. i’m basically ignoring all my friends, classmates and cca mates bc i feel like im not worthy of this spot in this jc. it has been my dream to be a doctor ever since i had interactions with the field in secondary school but now i just want to survive.

i don’t know what i want to do with my life anymore. i made the grave mistake of telling my parents that im aiming to go to medical school, and now i can’t retract it. they have told all their friends and our relatives, and although i know they mean well and just want to seek advice or tips, i feel so guilty to ‘back out’ now. not saying that im giving up on this dream, but rather, maybe im not meant for this kind of life?

maybe im meant to be an average person, not a high achiever?