AIO if i go go no contact with my mom after she and my husband got into a fight?

Before I start here's some background information:

● My parents had an unhealthy marriage that ended in a divorce in my senior year of high school and caused me to develop or exacerbated mental health problems as they put me in the middle of it all.

● I grew up in a house that was almost like a hoarder house and it was consistently messy and cluttered. I have been trying to create healthy cleaning habits since moving in with my now husband.

● Right before my oldest daughter's 2nd birthday my mom randomly started having beef with my in-laws because I would vent to her about the way they did things (I like things to go a certain way but I recognize that I am being unreasonable and would blow off steam by complaining to my mom)

●To keep our mental health at least somewhat healthy my husband has a weekly gaming night on the weekends and I get to draw for few hours a week when I can. we go out of our way to make sure the other person gets their time, with working and parenting.

●My husband and his whole family are kind of neat freaks, but with many items, so cluttered in hidden areas kind of thing. think Monica's hall closet in friends.

Now onto the problem. When I got pregnant with my second daughter who was born about 2 months ago they found a minor complication that didn't affect the baby but made all my symptoms exaggerated. (For one example: my morning sickness was very intense in the first and second trimesters lasted for several hours and were triggered by my favorite foods), In the 3rd trimester it became hard to do daily tasks and my husband had started a new job that has him working 6 days a week 8 hours a day plus an hour commute. Around Christmas time my mom asked what I wanted or needed for Christmas and I asked her to help me catch up on some house work (e.g. piling up laundry, putting the baby furniture from our first daughter back together etc.) She agreed to do this and said she would come up a week before my due date and stay for 20 days.

When she started planning her trip she kept changing the plans after I had already signed up for my maternity leave but the first time when she switched it to coming 3 days before my due date I could edit my maternity leave and I did. About a month before coming she decided her and her new girlfriend were going to have a romantic valentines day get away with her gf's family 2 hours northwest from where I live. This was starting when I would be about 1 week postpartum since I decided to get induced in order to have her help in the first 2 weeks postpartum. This bummed me out but she assured me it was only a couple of days and she was sure my MIL would be more than willing to help me. Then she got summoned to appear as a witness in court for damage done to her gfs house in December on the 17th of February. (which I realize she couldn't help or change) So that cut out about 3 extra days of her helping me postpartum. so now it went from helping me before and after my baby got here to helping for about 5 days total. I was definitely devastated as my husband wasn't able to take leave and save the job he loves since he had started it after I got pregnant and wasn't qualified for job protection. This meant that I would be on my own with a toddler and a newborn from the day I would be getting home from the hospital. I felt like my requests for christmas was retroactively being denied, and I would have understood but been bummed if it stopped here.

I was able to put together the crib, swing, and carseat before my mom got here. When the time came for my mom to stay with us sh\*t hit the fan quick. She acted disgusted at a sink full of dishes, the laundry I had mentioned, and the valet trash our community offers hadn't been picked up like it was supposed to the night before so there was an extra trash bag in the can. I also have a 2 year old, so during the day there is always a scattering of toys around the living room. Needless to say my house was in disarray, but I didn't think anything of it offending my mom because that's why she came, right?

Apparently no. She started acting shifty and weird, and then when it came time to put up the old diaper changing dresser, she made a snide comment that my "man" should be doing it. (even though he is gone for 9 hours+ a day and then comes home and does the cat cat boxes and heavy lifting that I am medically ordered to stay away from.) She stopped helping us with the housework after 1 day, but even then I was willing to over look that because maybe it was a ridiculous ask as an adult and parent in my own right.

Well the Saturday before my induction (that I by that point regretted scheduling but I felt like I couldn't back out now) My husband had his weekly game night with his friends and brother and he stayed up late to play in the living room. as he's wrapping up my mom walks out and starts criticizing him for leaving empty soda cans on the table she just spent all day cleaning. They both admit she did this and that it was only 2 cans. He had just had those 2 cans during his gaming night and hadn't taken to few seconds to clean up yet, so he was annoyed and started acting coldly to her for the rest of her trip. (this was not the first time he bit his tongue over things she nitpicked with him about) The next evening was when I was starting my induction so we showed her my 2 year old's bedtime routine, made sure she had enough of everything, and packed up for our hospital stay. I ended up having an emergency C-section, called my mother-in-law to take over babysitting and asked my mom to come be with me in the delivery room when things started getting hairy. She seemed off. The first night after the c-section my husband offered to let her stay with me in the hospital but she refused and decided to go pack.up her things from our house and go stay with my grandparents who live 1.5 hours south of me, so my husband stayed with me and my MIL had a sleepover with my 2 year old at her house. We didn't know it at the time but while we were gone she enlisted my brother to replace our old diaper stand, and she had let our daughter get into a few unsafe things (e.g. my husband's gaming keyboard where the keys come off and are easily swallowable). My husband came home a day before me and our new baby, so that our 2 year old could have a little bit of normalcy after 2 days of chaos. He came home to a disaster. Our house looked worse than when I had asked for help for Christmas. There were cheeze-its smashed into the carpet, open chewed on tubes of lotion, and a bunch of our things broken. It looked like my mom had let our 2 year old run loose the whole time she was watching her. My mom had to return my house keys so when my husband got home, while he was on the toilet my mom rushed in to give him to keys. She apparently tried to spy on my husband and then waited for him to come out.

She told him off and said he reminded her of her ex-husband (my ab\*s\*ve father) Said he needed to start pulling his weight around with the house work, and that she wouldn't "let \[her\] daughter live the way \[she\] did." She went straight from this to visit me in the hospital. My husband called me while she was on her way to tell me he's had it with my mom and he doesn't want his kids around her anymore. He didn't have time to elaborate but we promised we would talk about it after my mom left the hospital. When my mom entered my hospital room she had a sh\*t eating grin and made a joke about how she p\*\*\*\*d off my husband. All she would say is that she was standing up for me. After she held the baby and told me she'd always have a place for me in a different state in her house she ran off and I was alone with the baby so I called my husband back and asked him what actually happened.

He told me about the new mess and what she said, and sent me pictures and videos of the mess on Snapchat. I immediately called my mom to confront her. She tried to deny any culpability because I paraphrased what had been relayed to me instead of using her exact words. We got into an argument about semantics and then sat silently on the phone for about 10 minutes and I let her go. This made me cry idk if it was reasonable or not to cry but I was 1 day post op from an emergency C-section so I get a pass.

I asked my husband what he would need to have a civil relationship from my mom and he said a full apology and she can never be alone with our kids again. I think that was an extremely fair and reasonable stance for him to take. She had neglected our child and compared my husband to the worst person I've ever met. I relayed this message to her and he accused him of isolating me, and said verbatim "That's ab\*\*\*ve \[Me\]" we were on a phone call in my living room at this point and my husband was right next to me and heard her say that. He got mad took the phone and yelled, "says the woman who neglected my daughter!" My mom denied the allegation, and hung up.

Two days past with no word from my mom not even the usual ig reels. On the 3rd day she called me and asked if my husband worked and when and then she called back after he would have been gone for about 2 hours. She was crying told me she'd been crying for days because I "let \[my husband\] say those terrible things about \[her.\]" I told her based on the videos he sent me he wasn't wrong, and maybe she could just apologize to him for saying he's like my dad. She doubled down, accused him of neglecting me and the kids since he "didn't help with the house work" he does about 40-50% of the house work and he works more than I do. I told her this over and over again but it was starting to feel like she wanted to gaslight me as we were arguingin circles. I ended the phone call with "Well even if you think he needs to help put around the house more, you could at least apologize to him for comparing him to \[my dad\]. You could at least do that for me, right?" We sat in since for a few minutes, and then said goodbye. I called my brother to see what he thought and to collaborate my memories of living in a messy house my whole life as this was one of the things my mom is claiming never happened. He was hesitant to give his opinion but he admitted that if what I was saying was what happen he understood why we feel the way we do (my husband and I.) He has conveyed that he believed my mom expected to just have fun with the grandkids and me while she was here, not to help. He said he believed me that she agreed to help me and never voiced not wanting to until after she told my husband off. He also did remember our childhood living situation the same way I did. After talking with him I realized this whole ordeal was making me cry because I felt like the same helpless teenager as when my parents marriage was coming to end. I began to realize I had blamed my dad for things that were mutually my mom's fault. When I talked this out with my husband and he reminded me how my mom guilt tripped me into inviting my dad (whom she apparently escaped from) to our wedding against my wishes. I cut contact with him after that as he drank at my wedding even though him not drinking was my only conditionfor his invite.

Around a week later my mom called me 8 times in a row so answered in the middle of a nap (postpartum iykyk) and she asked to video chat my 2 year old. I reminded her of my husband's conditions to see the kids again and explained that I belive it is reasonable to not want your toddler around someone who baselessly accuses you of ab\*\*e. She got upset and we got into a texting fight and she sent my husband a halfa\*\*\*d apology. My husband decided this was good enough for video calls but nothing else.

After that she posted 3 memes(?) on facebook about ab\*\*\* husbands. My husband was initially going to apologize back so we could get back to some semblance of normal, but after seeing the petty Facebook posts he decided he was still done with her and all she got with the kids was supervised video calls and holidays. She came up this weekend, and I thought it was for Easter but it turns out her gf has some family member getting surgery so they came up for that and squeezed me and my daughter's in. While we were at breakfast she made a snide comment about me being a married single mom. It hurts me when she makes these comments because my husband is my best friend, and he deals with a lot of bs because I can't afford therapy and we are basically raw dogging my mental health issues together. He is my rock, and he does so much for me. He is also cleaning his grandmother's hoarded house that he inherited so we can fix it up and live there for only property taxes and hoa dues which would cut our housing costs in half yearly. It's not like he doesn't have faults, but I would definitely say he has less faults than me. It also hurts because it feels so out of nowhere. My mom randomly started to blame my husband for everything wrong in my life and it feels like it started when she started beefing with his family around the time of my oldest daughter's 2nd birthday.

So I would I be the AH for going no or low contact with my mom after she accused my husband of ab\*se and neglect? Also am I the AH for asking for help with housework even though I am a whole a\*\* adult?