Life sucks rn

Pata hai aaj kya hua. Aisa lagta hai ki life mein kuch bacha hi nahi hai karne ko. My dad died when I was 10. My dad’s side of the family was trash maine bohot jhagde wagairah dekhe hain as a kid, proper messed up stuff, which gave me trauma. Dad ki death ki wajah se main aur zyada introvert ho gaya, aur inferiority complex bhi aa gaya. Seeing my mom struggle so much and managing everything alone broke my heart.

Aur bhi problems hain main kabhi studies mein achha nahi tha. 12th mein sirf 56% aaye, but 12th ke baad maine focus kiya aur ab main ek good law college mein hoon, 4th semester chal raha hai, aur grades bhi ache aa rahe hain. But problem yeh hai ki mujhe padhai bilkul pasand nahi hai, aur ab woh cheez catch up kar rahi hai. Exams chal rahe hain aur bilkul padhai nahi ho rahi.

Main zyada creative cheezon mein hoon mujhe editing pasand hai, aur wahi life mein karna hai. Lekin editing ke liye mere paas achha laptop nahi hai. Jo hai woh professional software run karne ke liye enough nahi hai. Phir bhi maine is semester ek startup mein kaam kiya aur itne paise save kiye ki main exams ke baad laptop le paunga. Beech mein ek aur problem hai main masturbation ka bhi kaafi addicted ho gaya hoon, aur woh bhi meri focus aur routine ko affect kar raha hai.

Par life ab hit hi nahi karti, sab kuch sad lagta hai. Main kabhi relationship mein nahi raha. Bachpan se hi ladkiyon se baat karne mein darr lagta tha, aur mujhe social anxiety bhi hai. Lockdown bhi bohot bura gaya main kaafi mota ho gaya tha aur ghar mein band rehne se depression aur anxiety aur badh gayi (baad mein weight lose kar liya).

Main bohot broke hoon. Mere friends itna enjoy karte hain aur main ek movie dekhne ke liye bhi mom se paise maangta hoon, woh bhi guilty feel karte hue. It’s not her fault she’s done a lot, but genuinely paise nahi hain. Life pointless lagti hai. Aage kya hoga kuch pata nahi. Kaash life mein koi ek cheez toh achhi hoti, jisse lagta ki life worth living hai ya hold karne layak hai.

Future bohot tough lag raha hai. Mom pressure kar rahi hai ki job lo, studies pe focus karo, but mujhse nahi ho raha. Maine decide kiya hai ki main freelance karunga aur creative field mein hi jaunga, par uska bhi tension hai ki aage kaise hoga.

Mujhe nahi pata main yeh kis sub pe post karna chahiye tha, bas yahan likh diya kyunki yahan post kar sakta tha. Mental health kharab hai short height, no girls, anxiety, broke lagta hai sab problems mere hi paas aa gayi hain. Kaash life thodi kind hoti. Aur bhi bohot cheezein hain, par mujhe samajh nahi aa raha kya kya likhun. Bas hope karta hoon ki things get better soon.

I’ve used chat gpt to rephrase.