Distressed

I haven’t had a period in around three years, but this morning there was brown blood when I wiped. I know it’s not healthy to think this way, but I didn’t want it back. Not to mention, I’ve been eating so much, and this just confirms I’ve gained a lot of weight. I’m already struggling so much mentally with the way my body looks. I used to be lean and really dedicated to the gym. And now I’m no longer that version of myself and I hate myself for letting myself get this way.