It’s been 3 times in my life now

I was raped 3 times in my life now. It took me years of therapy to even call it what it is: rape. The first 2 were the summer I turned 17, I got back from a year away at school and came back to my small town suddenly with boobs and an ass i obviously did not have before. Suddenly all this attention was on me. Both time, I said “i don’t want to do this” but it happened anyway. Both times the men were in their 20’s. that was 10 years ago. i went to therapy. I thought i was fine it didn’t bother me anymore. last summer I stayed at a hotel with a man i had started seeing, we were long distance. We were getting intimate but i realized I wasn’t ready for sex so I said it multiple times “i don’t want to have sex tonight” which i felt wasn’t crazy i had been intimate with men (making out, oral sex) without going all the way, it just feels different. Without going into details, he just did it and suddenly i was 17 again. suddenly i felt like i was standing outside of my body again. This was a friend of a friend, i couldn’t tell anyone. I still haven’t. it took me forever to tell my therapist this week. At times regardless of how many times my therapist tells me how it is not my fault, I wonder, 3 different occasions, 3 different men, what about me makes people feel like my no’s aren’t important. I’m not sure how this subreddit works, I just needed to type this out and let it out somewhere that isn’t my therapist or an AI so thank you for letting me do that.