transformation ocd

hi, I've had ocd for about 3 years now and need help finding ways to overcome it as its become particularly unbearable to live with now (not it hasn't been before but all of the things I've experienced this year have contributed to it worsening dramatically) i truly believe that reading, writing, speaking and even doing so much as to think of anything relating to cognitive loss & mental regression will make me become hard of doing anything that requires critical thinking, i have this problem especially when dealing with languages as i previously struggled with an eating disorder that impaired me lingually and had me showing signs of aphasia, it's difficult to even look at the word as i think it'll seep into me and become real (the visualization of which is making me very anxious) I've been ridiculed for it countless times since and called stupid which made me avoid thinking of the word religiously, I'm scared of writing these phrases because enclosing them with brackets or comas feels like solidifying them and the effect they will have on me, i have to repeat neutralizing sentences in my head to reverse the outcome i expect the thoughts to have on me and will feel myself actually change in behavior and my thoughts twist to mimic the obsessive idea, i believe in your subconscious mind accepting the things that pop up in your head and sublimating them​ and while i wholeheartedly know that words cannot change me i am made into a completely different person just by uttering statements and it scares me what the knowledge of psychology can do. does anyone know how my problem can be mitigated without me having to pay for therapy?