Do antidepressants or years of mental illness change your identity?

I (25f) have severe ocd since I was 14 and a half. My parents are separated since I was 8 and I lived with my mom who didn't let me go out the evening much and kinda took decisions for me, and I was frustrated because I wanted to be free and she was not much emotionally supportive. My father did not really help and was not that involved in my life. I never told anyone in my family I have ocd (officially diagnosed when I was 20). After high school I went to university in another city thanks to scholarship given to low income family. I lost the accommodation and scholarship due to not being able to make myself study. I would just go to lessons (were mandatory). I tried to go to a public therapist back in 2021, so I would not see her often, and she suggested to start meds, but I didnt want and she kinda said that without meds it's difficult to help me due to my ocd being severe, so we ended therapy.I couldn't go to a private one due to lack of money.

Due to uni timetable and my ocd I wasn't able to find a job until I was 22 and a half, when I moved abroad to work. I still didn't graduate uni, but I finished the lessons so I can work. I moved back home after 1 year because I had a big decline with ocd, despite having started again therapy 3 months before (2024) and she also suggested meds. I'm currently on antidepressants since february 2026.I think I feel calmer and more balanced in my mood, and if I get sad it will pass easier, but idk if they are already working or I'm just influenced by the thought of taking them (the psychiatrist said it will take a while for them to work).

Years ago despite suffering a lot I still had kind of ambitious, like I would fantasise about a good future, I would make lists of goals to reach, experiences to make etc...

I think before meds, some time ago I wanted to become independent economically, and I think I was also a bit against splitting expenses by income in a relationship, and being more on 50/50 probably. Now lately I kinda maybe thought it's a good thing and that I would like a man who pays and offers ( i thought was sexy and nice also before, despite never expecting it and actually be genuinely surprised if someone other than my brother offered me).

I did change my mind during the years before meds, on topics i was sure about, I was against me doing OF but then sometimes I thought wouldn't be that bad, and other things like sending nudes to guys etc... so maybe I just grew out of old opinions? I have always been a serious girl and then I started doing what i didnt think i would do when i was 20. Now I see people being like who I thought I would be, not having intimacy physically and online without feelings etc while I feel desperate with any cute guy I see (and be rejected, I'm not attractive and I'm not the kind of personality who has many friends, I struggle with loneliness)

My doubt doesnt create me anxiety, so I don't think it's caused by ocd, I'm just curious, do antidepressant "change" or reveal your true identity? Am i becoming a woman that is fine with not achieving much and be provided for if im lucky enough to find that kind of man? Or was i always like this and i just denied it to myself?

In the past i never wished to be a stay at home mom and i wanted to have money i could use freely, and provider men usually want a family.

I dont know what i truly think or want, who am I, but im not even stressing about this, Im calm, I just wake up, use insta and go to sleep.