Am I supposed to be gay?

When i was little boy i had surgery on my penis that caused it to grow in girth instead of length it is around 3.4Inches long erect .Im a 23years old ,now I don’t know if due to i became gay but i always had something for men but now that I’m more older i feel like i don’t know who and what i am and due to that the only i felt i was going to experience pleasure was to become a bottom that was the only choice.

I am afraid of dating someone because i am afraid of what they would think of my D . And mentally i would be easier to explain that i am a bottom so i don’t use often, although i dream of fucking someone i dream of wanting to fuck a girl but the guts to experience shame and rejection is HUGE . I kinda made peace with the fact that I’ll never experience that and it has fucked my mental health extremely. So Idk