Are gender roles flipped or is it just a matriarchy?

So I was watching a video about a poll Gen Z took about gender roles.

in short about a third thought women shouldn't be independent, should be submissive to their husbands, shouldn't initiate sex, etc.

And I thought "well they wouldn't like Raksura".

But then I thought about it and realized that despite that Consorts are supposed to be more "feminine and docile" than Queens in the human sense. Wells specifically gave us the two traditionally masculine. Consorts as main characters which kind of undermines the point. And this only applies to Consorts. We don't see this gender dynamic for Arbora or Warriors. At least I didn't.

We might see Queens showing bias towards female warriors and giving them more authority than males, but I didn't notice examples of males doing that by default or female warriors assuming they should be in charge.

Ember is basically the only stereotypical Consort we get who is fine being a Consort and wouldn't be embarrassed to run away in a battle to help in a non combat role and he only gets a few pages in the entire series.

Even in Book 2 when Moon offers to fight Ash and the entire group is horrified it seems kinda weird. This didn't seem bad because he was a Consort or male. This seemed bad because it was a visitor threatening their royalty and leadership. It would have been inappropriate for Jade to do the same thing. The only time gender is involved is when Jade has to fight Ash for him.

Let me rephrase. I'm wondering if what we're seeing is gender dynamics or just a chain of command. Is Moon generally submissive to Pearl and Jade because they're women or because they're in charge? You're not really making a gender role swap if it only applies to the highest ranking person who everyone obeys.

Stone is basically the stereotypical distant father who is more open about his feelings and will obey Jade and Pearl to a degree. But he'll also organize a coup against them if needed.

This is going to be weird to say but perhaps I'm just too progressive to see the differences and would need a far more obvious example for it to stand out. I'd need to see a Consort standing on a chair to escape a mouse and calling a Queen to come deal with it before I'd be able to point to an example of gender role swapping. But I've seen men do that too.

Maybe the female warriors are regularly bossing the males around and I'm just not keeping track because I'm not seeing an abuse of power.

But if I was one of these poll takers maybe I would have noticed that women are generally giving the orders even when Queens aren't involved and I'd be frothing from the mouth when Jade didn't just do what Moon suggested.

I suppose that's the metric I should be using. Not whether I find their culture matriarchal, but whether the manosphere does. That seems like a low bar but I guess that is the bar.

Because the questions they're asking seem pretty obvious to me. I hate that I sound like I'm tooting my own horn but I wouldn't have considered those questions controversial and my antisocial brain loves the idea of women initiating romance being the norm. I don't even like making eye contact but I'm supposed to figure when intimacy is appropriate on a date?

Feels like I'm doing a victory dance because I didn't stick my hand on a hot stove.

I guess what I'm confused by is Stone and Moon don't seem masculine or feminine to me aside from every Raksura being willing to rip someone's face off. So if they seem slightly more feminine it's because they aren't emotionally constipated assholes and we associate that with modern men. Sure, Jade is probably more likely to slap Moon than the reverse but that's aggression to me. Not gender roles.