Surviving off two cheap meals a day, a bottle of multi-vitamins, and an intense fear of dying.

Depression, financial situation, and living situation have gotten me to this point. My mental health is far worse than that, I'm not sure I can be helped anymore at this point. I can't afford help anyway. I'm not afraid of death, I yearn for it, but the process of dying and the pain involved terrify me. I acquired the means, but continue to hesitate. I hate my life. I hate the world. The world is going to shit and it's about to cause my life to be even more painful than dying.

I won't be able to properly afford groceries soon. I get no medical or mental health help of any kind. I'm completely alone in the world with no friends or family. My car broke down again recently, zero chance of affording fixing that so I gave up my insurance to save a significant portion of money, on top of skyrocketing gas prices. I live with a relative, unfortunately, in a situation I haven't been able to get out of and now things have just gotten magnitudes worse and have made it impossible to escape from. They are the most DISGUSTING human on this earth, no contest. They are more vile than the worst person I've seen online. Being NEAR THEM is a living hell, and they know there's nothing I can do about it, SO THEY AFFLICT THEMSELVES ON ME CONSTANTLY!!! I don't even know where to begin with this... it's one thing if you can't aim when you pee and pee on the floor, by why do I find literal shit in trash cans and on the floor? I live in literal hell that I'm not sure anyone can actually understand. I have to live with the fact that everything in the house is covered in shit and all I can do is cry about it. The filth is malicious, and I'm not the first person they've done this kind of thing to, but apparently I'm the one that gets the absolute worst of it.

I can't take it anymore. I'm going to freak out for the last time. I'm aware that no one cares, and I don't expect anyone to give a shit about my existence, life, or well-being... and there are some real pieces of shit on the internet, but idk. No one listens, no one hears me, no one cares, but at least I can yell into the void. I guess when I hit the "post" button I feel a tiny bit less bottled up. Minute solace as I witness the final catastrophes of my life unfold. I hope I don't fuck up.