AIO cancer diagnosis making relationship complicated or am I being extra

TLDR: Started dating a guy, got diagnosed with stage II cancer almost immediately after meeting him. He’s supportive in some ways but emotionally kind of misses the mark. Am I overreacting?

Note- my first post was deleted bc they thought I was a bot! WTH. How could a bot type out something soooo specific 😭 I just want validation that I’m not being extra right now. Please no mean comments. Cancer already sucks and I just need some guidance from a non biased person.

I’m 34F, he’s 32M. I met him literally the day before I found out I might have cancer and would need surgery to confirm. I had the surgery, and now I’m in week 4 of radiation. So yeah… stage II cancer.

Since the beginning, he’s been very supportive in a lot of ways. He’s gone to appointments with me, even with my mom there too. We met in December, and by February he asked me to be his girlfriend. I don’t know if it was everything going on emotionally, but I was really happy with him and said yes.

There were a few yellow flags early on. He may have lied about playing sports in college, which is weird because one of my close friends went to school with him and doesn’t remember that at all. He also said he’s never had a girlfriend or told anyone he loved them, which I thought was… interesting.

But then he did this whole girlfriend proposal with balloons, champagne, gifts, a hotel room. It was super romantic and honestly surprised me.

Now that I’m in treatment, I’m noticing things that are bothering me more.

I’m currently in another city for radiation, and sometimes I won’t hear from him for hours. Or he’ll say he went to bed early because he was tired. I’ve been cheated on before, so of course my mind goes there, but I try to check myself and not spiral. Still, it’s in the back of my mind.

Also, I’m just generally annoyed at everything right now. I know cancer treatment is messing with me emotionally, so I try to be aware of that. But with him specifically, I feel a disconnect. We’ve only been dating about 3 months, and I feel disconnected from my body, my emotions, and from him.

Our timeline has been kind of crazy. We met in December, I had surgery in January, and started radiation by March. Because my mom was staying with me after surgery, we didn’t really get much alone time or intimacy early on. We’ve only had sex a handful of times, and honestly… it’s just okay. I don’t feel much passion right now.

Part of that is probably me being exhausted from treatment. But I’ve also told him that for me, sex is very mental and emotional. I need more than just physical touch. He mostly just cuddles when he wants sex, and that’s it.

There have also been moments where I feel like he’s just not showing up how I need him to.

For example, the other day I almost passed out at the treatment center because I was so exhausted. I asked him to order a ride for me and my mom, which he did. But when we got back, he didn’t come downstairs, didn’t greet us, didn’t help me up. I was honestly shocked. Am I wrong for expecting that?

He came to visit me this week during treatment, but he never came to a single appointment with me. One day he had a meeting, fine. Another day he overslept and then said “why didn’t you wake me up?” which really annoyed me.

Emotionally, when I get overwhelmed or sad about everything I’m going through, he doesn’t comfort me well. And when I try to explain what I need, he gets moody, goes on long walks, and then I end up double texting and apologizing. It somehow turns into being about his feelings.

When we talked about it, he even said “you didn’t have to apologize,” which just confused me more.

I did try to have a deeper conversation with him Friday night and really explain everything I’ve been feeling. He kind of said the right things like “this is just a temporary phase, we’ll get through this.” He also said he feels like this is a test for him too, and that if he just ran away what would that say about him as a man.

He’s Nigerian and I’m Spanish, and culturally sometimes things just feel… off. Like he really treats me like I’m the best thing in his world, but emotionally it still feels like something is missing.

I was in a 5 year relationship before him, and I’m used to being comforted and consoled in a certain way. I know it’s not fair to compare, but I can’t help noticing the difference.

He’s also very religious and faith filled. We pray together and all that, but then I’m like… okay, but you’re also fine having premarital sex? It just confuses me.

At one point I told him I feel like we don’t have deep conversations, and he said it’s because of me, that sometimes I’m not in the mood to talk. But I’ll sit on the phone with my friends for 30 to 45 minutes no problem.

Sometimes I even wonder if maybe he’s just wired differently. Like he’ll randomly start boxing out of nowhere or zone out and stare into space and it gets kind of awkward.

Some days I feel like I need a grown man who just gets it. But at the same time, I don’t want to ruin something with a genuinely good guy who is willing to be there for me during one of the hardest times of my life… especially when my ex of 5 years is out traveling and doing his own thing.

Then there are little things that just add up. Like the other night, the AC stopped working and was blowing hot air for almost an hour while we were sleeping. I woke up sweating, asked him how long it had been like that, and he said about 40 minutes. I couldn’t believe he didn’t just fix it. I turned it off and back on and it was fine. Then later he turned it off again saying he was “taking initiative” because he thought the noise would bother me… even though I had literally just turned it back on.

And last night I had a horrible nightmare. I woke up gasping, crying, really shaken. He offered to give me a massage, but it was so half effort it actually annoyed me more. Like don’t offer if you’re not going to actually show up.

I don’t know. I feel like I’m going through something really serious, and while he’s there physically sometimes, emotionally it just feels off.

Am I overreacting or are these valid concerns?