Today's morning was nice kind of, but lately I've been feeling kind of detached from reality.

It sucks to feel so undesirable. I'm already extremely obsessive over my appearance in a lot of hyper-specific ways, but on top of that, I feel so objectively not good.

I always feel so awful about my looks in a very deep and hard to describe way, but even putting that to the side, on just a pure surface level, I feel so gross. I'm short, I have bad hair and skin from taking bad care of myself and picking at my skin a ton (partly because of the acne I have), I have a big forehead, a small penis. I already resent the body I was born in very often, and it sucks to so often see things said online and in media that make me feel even worse about myself. I'm not pretty and or slender enough to be considered pretty, I don't really fit in any sort of conventional attractiveness archetype. Even when I masturbate now, I basically have to roleplay/delude myself into pretending that I'm an attractive person.

On top of all of that too, I'm just generally a pathetic person who has failed pretty badly at life, so all of this combined I feel like I hold absolutely no value at all as a person.

I feel like I've been subconsciously choosing to kind of detach from reality, I don't really feel that alive. I just try not to think about how drastically I've wasted my life.