557 days

Why are holidays always so triggering? This year I asked for non alcoholic versions and a family member labeled them “not fun” so people would know what had alcohol and what didn’t. I laughed about it but deep down inside it made me sad. Remember when we had fun before alcohol? Why does alcohol = fun? I thought about what message this was to our young children as I watched them play— without alcohol while having way more fun than us adults. Also does me being sober mean I’m not fun anymore? Why do I care? Idk maybe I’m just feeling a little down this morning.

But fun for me was being able to cuddle my kids last night without having alcohol on my breath or waking up without a hangover this morning— so I could be a present mom today with a clear mind and a safe space for my kids.

But fck I would be lying if I said I don’t miss drinking. But do I just miss the carefreeness that I thought it gave me— that is until the dreaded anxiety that followed and all the regrets I had the next day.

I’m just in my head today. It’s not easy to be sober in this society but I sure am proud of myself.

That sunrise was beautiful this morning. ✨