im bickering with my own thoughts over and over and over??

im pretty sure i've got "friends", but they never invite me to any groupchats or answer most of my messages, or invite me anywhere. they basically only talk to me when i'm at school, and my family tells me to go out with your friends, but i say i cant be bothered, but in reality, i'm just too afraid to ask because i know for a fact they'll just brush it off or sum shi. because of this, i *sometimes just start questioning everything like; is it all worth it or do i have any friends etc. Every single time i ask myself an actual question about myself i need to answer i can't answer it, but instead i shoot that question away with "why would i do that" or "obviously i do have friends" and things like that, but then i answer those with a counter-question, and it keeps going on and on and on until i get snapped out of it. adding to that, my mental state is genuinely shit and i've got asian parents that piss me off so much (it's not just cause they're my parents they are actually insufferable shits, and i still love them), which makes the spiral worse.