I'm so confused

Hi ! 20F

It's gonna be a long post ....!

I'm so stressed about this thing and I just can't stop thinking about it. So I got crushes over boys when I was a like 12-13 .

And I had a very serious like obsessive crush on a boy , I liked him a lot .

Andddddd,,,

I have a female friend who is bi , and when she told me that she proposed to her girl-crush , idk I feel so upset . Whenever she show affection towards others in a romantic way , no matter if it's a girl or a boy , I feel so upset . I start recalling my memories and it's like I create scenarios that we were close , and she should give me attention too. Now she has a boyfriend and we just casually talk over mobile.

The next , there's my one college friend, at first I felt jealous of her cause she is so pretty and everyone give attention to her . But now I too admire her and we are really really really close . Like I don't have boy friends , I only hang out with girls and she's the one I'm closest with. And idk I can't hold eye contact with her . And when she holds my hands I feel something weird, it's not like I feel butterflies, idk I feel panic.

I watched so many sapphic movies , and then maybe therefore even I dreamt about her , I feel like I want to be more than friends with her . When she mentions boys or marrying a boy , I feel so irritated. Even not just her , anyone who mentions marrying a boy or having relationship with boy , I feel irritated nowadays.

Nowadays whenever it's something about romantic , love etc.... I just create scenarios with girls , I still get boy crush , but it's like I don't want them physically. But when it's about girls I like them physically and mentally maybe , MAYBE !

I'm so confused.... Is it just my scenarios?... Or idk (⁠╥⁠﹏⁠╥⁠)

So I just wanna ask am I into women ?????