Broke up after 14 months — feels like everything turned on me overnight

So me and my girlfriend were in a relationship for about 14 months, and honestly, the way it started was kind of messy.

We were in the same friend group. One of my close friends had already confessed his feelings to her a year before, but she never liked him that way — they were just childhood best friends. Even though I liked her, I stepped back at first because I knew how much he cared about her.

But over time, me and her got really close. At some small parties, we got drunk and things escalated — one time she got really drunk and started kissing me, and that kind of changed everything. The next day, my friend said this shouldn’t keep happening and that we should either date or stop.

That pushed things forward, and I asked her if she wanted a relationship. We both said yes. But then everything got complicated again — my friend wasn’t okay with it, her family didn’t like me, and even people in our group said it would cause problems. She didn’t want to lose her childhood best friend, and I understood that.

We tried staying apart for a bit, but eventually we ended up getting into a relationship secretly. Only a few people knew.

Fast forward a year — things started going downhill. She kept telling me she didn’t feel loved enough and that I wasn’t doing enough for her. From my side, I felt like I was loving her the same way I always had. But when she kept bringing it up, I actually tried to change and put in more effort, especially in the last few months.

Around 20 days ago, we had a fight and didn’t talk for 2 days. I’ll admit I said something stupid, but I didn’t think it was something that would end everything.

After those two days, she texted me saying she doesn’t think the relationship is working anymore and that she wants out. The timing hit hard — I was literally at a shop ordering a cake for my dad’s birthday when she sent that. I didn’t react much in the moment, but when I got home and read everything properly, I broke down.

What messes with my head is this — I feel like we were both trying to fix things, but since she didn’t feel loved enough, I focused a lot on changing and improving myself. I was doing that for months, and it still feels like it only took a couple of days for everything to end.

Now I’m also stuck feeling like a bad person for not trying to get her back. At the same time, a part of me felt like if I did, it would just go back into the same cycle again.

What hurts more is how things are being seen in our friend group. It feels like everything has turned on me. The last thing I said during the fight is what everyone is focusing on, and suddenly I’m the problem. Even someone in the group who once told me not to get into the relationship — his girlfriend said that my ex deserved better, without even hearing my side.

All of this is making me question myself a lot.

She was honestly one of the sweetest people in my life, and losing that hurts more than I expected.

How do you deal with this kind of feeling — especially when you start seeing yourself as the bad person in the story?