Update: My first ever wheelchair was shipped today and I'm having a lot of feelings about it

Update to this post: https://www.reddit.com/r/wheelchairs/s/5lCSoV1lGB

TL;DR: The wheelchair arrived yesterday, we went hiking, we had a blast! I'm trying to get comfortable with the idea of using it more.

First off, massive thank you to all the lovely people who shared their experiences with me. I was super nervous and probably massively overthinking when I wrote that initial post, and your sweet and thoughtful comments and advice helped me a lot. I feel like this post is probably mostly boring everyday stuff, but after so many of you took the time to support and reassure me, I wanted to properly let you know how it went.

My wheelchair arrived yesterday. I felt pretty awkward when I first sat down in it, but I was immediately surprised by how comfortable and easy to handle it was. It wasn't the cheapest model available but still far from expensive in terms of wheelchair prices, and I feel like we got good value for the money we spent. Since it arrived earlier in the day than expected and the weather was nice, my husband suggested immediately trying it out that afternoon. We drove down to a nice hiking trail, I made myself comfortable in the chair, and off we went.

It was great. We hadn't been outside in nature like that together since November, and I hadn't been on a hike without being in pain and dizzy most of the time in I don't know how many years. This was the first time in forever I actually felt present and relaxed while we explored the trail together and managed to enjoy the moment without being constantly distracted by pain, fatigue, and trying to manage what little energy I have. I could just enjoy hanging out and chatting with my husband while we explored this beautiful place. Later in the car, he pointed out how lively I was and how I was still talking to him because normally, I'm so exhausted after physical activities I barely talk on the way home. Well, not this time.

It wasn't all perfect. We immediately flew too close to the sun when we saw a very bumpy dirt road section of the trail and went, well, what could possibly go wrong? You can probably imagine how that went and next time we definitely know to turn around and find an alternative route (and make sure the trail is explicitly wheelchair accessible). The good news is, I am pretty sure the few people I noticed staring weren't staring because of the chair itself, but because they were wondering what the hell we were thinking and honestly, I can't blame them. I should also definitely take a thicker jacket next time, I kinda underestimated just how bad my body's temperature regulation is.

But even with these minor challenges, this was still the best and most enjoyable hike we've had in years! I was comfortable the whole time and my husband could just go his pace for once (not that he's ever complained about having to slow down for me, but it still made me happy for him). And it was really funny to realize that now we have to mind my husband's limits for a change instead of mine.

So that's it, that was my first outing in my new wheelchair! Not only did we manage an almost 7km (!) hike spontaneously, we also still met up with our friends for an easter bonfire after (that's tradition where I live), so. I did two things in one day! One of them unplanned! And I did not suffer the entire time!!

For the bonfire we took the good old camping chair, I did not feel ready for the wheelchair after just one day. But I decided that by next easter, I want to either make enough progress in PT that I won't need a chair for the bonfire or I want to be comfortable enough with the wheelchair to take it instead of the camping chair. Our little outing showed me how much I'm missing out on at the moment and that's motivating me a lot right now. I'll make sure to put more effort into making my life enjoyable, whether that means building muscle or building confidence. :)

After looking at all the comments and reading your stories and tips, I came up with something of a plan for the next months. First, I will bling the chair up! I don't want it to be this awkward thing I use because I have to but secretly hate, that won't make it easier for me to accept it. I'll make it pretty and I'll make it mine. It's there to help me and I'll try my best to turn it into something I can enjoy using. I already ordered some cute vinyl stickers and spoke clips, so that's a good start.

Next, my husband and I will make more weekend plans that involve the chair. Hikes like yesterday's, museum visits, just any opportunity to go out, have fun, and (let's be real) practice not caring about what other people might think. I really need to internalize that I'm allowed to comfortably exist and enjoy my life just like everyone else.

And once the chair is properly glammed up and the inital awkwardness has faded, I hope I'll be ready to start using it whenever I need it, even when I'm out with friends and family. I don't want to keep saying no to fun outings and I don't want to suffer through them rather than enjoy them either, so there's only one option really.

I actually got a lovely surprise at the bonfire yesterday when one friend asked me about the camping chair. When I told her about how my health has been particularly bad recently and I can't really stand for long, she immediately announced that if I'm not feeling better by her wedding in a couple of weeks (which I definitely won't), she'll just put a chair in the middle of the dancefloor so I can vibe with everyone else without exerting myself if I'd like that. That was unexpected and very very sweet and maybe just what I needed to hear that evening. I suppose if people are already offering me accommodations like that, they will get used to me sometimes using a wheelchair too.

I still feel like I have a long way to go before I'm as confident and comfortable using the wheelchair as I'd like to be. But sitting by a lake with my husband feeling the wind in my hair and watching the waves reflect the sunlight, it really sank in for me what people mean when they say that using a wheelchair means freedom. We would not have been there without the chair. We would have stayed home doing the same things we do every weekend. Instead, we went hiking, we saw that beautiful lake, and I even walked some of the way myself, even though it was unplanned, and I didn't need any recovery time after. I have limited control over my body's shenanigans, but I can control how I deal with the limits it imposes on me, and this feels like a massive step in the right direction.

I'm very glad my husband talked me into giving this a shot and as per usual, he ended up being right. I kinda have a history of denying myself accommodation I desperately need because of internalized ableism and making my life harder than it has to be as a result. Luckily, he has a history of recognizing when I do that and helping me be kinder to myself and focus on what I need to be comfortable instead of clinging to ableist ideas of "normal". That man is an absolute treasure and words cannot express how much I love him.

There's so many more things I want to do and see with him, so I better get used to my new wheelchair fast!