I(F28) don’t know how to calm things down with my BF(M29)

Hi everyone,

I post something here because I tried to solve the problem on my own but nothing’s change. I'm looking for some advices to defuse those situations.

We're together since 2021 and know each other for almost 8 years now. We leave together and I feel like there is some distance between us.

We are spending more time together to improve our relationship and reconnect, it’s a choice we both made. He is a really nice guy, always support me, always kind and patient, I know he loves me.

However, there is a lot of dispute between us for small things, nothing worth getting worked up about. He think I'm stressed but when I say "not at all", he withdraw and become embarrassed, I do the same either when it comes from him but at least I change the subject, I try to move on with him or fix the situation.

When I do the dishes he gets angry (not everytime I'm doing it, this is random) because he thinks he never does anything and loses his temper, he starts cleaning the apartment, he is afraid of me getting angry. (I don’t ask for anything, he has his own tasks, sometimes I ask him to help me and there's no problem about it) I'm trying to calm things down, but nothing work, he is still angry and it’s take a loooooong time before he cool down. We talk about one dispute or more every weeks...

I don’t even understand why, I try to be more gentle, to be calm, I apologize but that doesn’t change anything...

Did I push him too much ? Is there something I do wrong ? Maybe I don’t explain this correctly, if there is questions about the situation feel free to ask, I want to fix the problem.

I think I was too harsh at the beginning of the relationship about the appartment, the cats, tasks he has to do... Things have changed in the last year or so.. I accept a lot of things and I prove it many times, I don’t get angry, I explain that everything is fine.

I tried long discussions with him but this doesn’t work. Now I'm tired, it takes too much energy...

I know he had a very complicated 3-year relationship before me (2 years before our relation began and had girlfriends during those 2 years). Is this kind of things stay after a long time ? If that’s the case, how do I defuse this ?

thank you for your time 🙏