should i just block him

hi. i’m 17 and he was my first boyfriend. we only dated for a few months and we broke up almost a week ago. my mind is all over the place and i’m dealing with an anxious attachment style so the fear of losing him and feel condoned has driven me up the fucking WALLS. we’re on ‘talking’ terms , meaning we’ve had two short conversations since the break up. the most recent one was today.

i asked him to specify if he wanted us to be friends or just keeping me updated on his situation with the army. he, again, put the ball back in my park to chase after him again, but i didn’t. and he left me on read. it’s been 4 hours but i have a feeling he’ll leave me on read until the next time i text him again. but i’m so exhausted and so tired of feeling underwhelmed by his response AGAIN.

we broke up because he was too busy to talk to me and that his parent didn’t approve of me. i’m so dissapointed because i really wanted this to work. we didn’t break up on bad terms and we really do get along well. i care so deeply for him but it feels like he dosent feel the same.

it’s confusing to me though because he was the first to initiate, to say i love you, to show me off, call me pet names, call me his wife, etc. you don’t say and do those things with someone you plan on having no future with.

if i block him i feel like it would come from the “push-pull” dynamic of my brain. i’d want him to text me on a different platform to talk to me because then, maybe i would feel chosen. but realistically i know he won’t. he never chased me. he never cared to.

idk wtf to do. my head is a mess. i feel so unworthy of love and i just want to fill that space back up with somebody else to not feel abandoned. blocking him would be the healthy move but the reason behind it, isn’t. i don’t know what to do that is best for me. i can’t take my mind off of him. it’s stressing me out.