Did you really want me to call?

Did you want me to?

Of course, as always, I'm drunk at night, so I wrote this because I'm sure you'll never see it.

I keep hearing from him, that you think no one cares about you.

You blocked me, so I felt that was the last straw on your end. You blocked me everywhere, so I didn't reach out. I felt like maybe you blocked my number, too.

if you loved me like you said you did, why didn't you reach out?

of course I'll believe him, because you just ran away like you always did.

so, you blame him for taking away the people you depended on, but be truthful. you blame me, too.

I didn't want to have someone in between us trying to trick me into thinking that you were someone you weren't. he managed that because unlike all the other people, im genuinely paranoid. genuinely ill.

but you didn't call.

you followed His orders and blocked me. it made me realize how little I meant to you.

I refuse to bow down to someone who wants to humiliate me. much less when he wanted to paint you as a shitty person.

think about it... why would I go on a cruise with you if I didn't care about you?

you'll never see this. you'll probably ignore it. I wish you would just get courage and talk to me.

im sorry I yelled. I wasn't mad at you. I was mad that your so called friend was trying to make you seem like you didn't care about him. everyone tries to manipulate me, and I keep falling for it.

maybe we should have never come back together.

maybe I was the one at fault.

it doesn't matter anymore.

I'll keep trying to end it. its what i deserve.