Attachment shame vs. Hexad shame (maybe?)

I’m like 75% sure that this has nothing to do with the Enneagram, so you’re free to push me in the right direction instead (or tell me to kill myself). For the most part, this post is my reflection on why some people may function differently from me. Yeah, I’m contrasting Attachment and Hexad in the title, but, essentially, it’s “me vs. people whom I’ve observed to be unlike me.” I’m sure there are plenty of Threes, Sixes and Nines who’d fit well into what I’ve designated as the “Hexad mold,” though I still have reason to believe that some of what I will be describing is Attachment-brained (or, perhaps, Social-Instinct-brained, IDK).

I’ve been trying to understand for quite a while now as to how and why some people manage to “show up in the world” despite dealing with very real and oppressive feelings of shame and self-hatred. To me, it feels natural to withdraw and to hide.* “My opinion/my work/my presence/etc. is inadequate; I don’t want that inadequacy to be perceived.” What I suppose I have realized is that for someone who thinks like me, there exists an audience. The world is there to perceive, judge, and reject; one’s position in the world is, therefore, insecure. There’s an expectation that the world will react and will confirm one’s inadequacy. “Here’s me and here’s the world.”

For the individuals whose conduct I have (with some hesitation) attributed to the Hexad, there exists an understanding (subconscious, perhaps) that the world is there for one to exist in and to act in—not to be the judge of you. The ego is the focus and the main stage; reaction isn’t factored in (or at least isn’t factored in as much). The feelings of inadequacy are not tied to the perception of the other. So to answer my question—how can one be comfortable with “being in the world” while actively disliking oneself?—what I fail to understand is that there is no consideration for the “other.” One is one’s own audience. “My opinion/my work/my presence/etc. is inadequate. However, that is no reason to limit my presence within the world.” There is no (or little) anxiety about being perceived in one’s inadequacy. One is more or less free to act as one is because, essentially, there is no insecurity about one’s right to exist; one simply is (albeit one may experience oneself as inadequate). One is one’s own judge.

I’m sorry for everything!

* Obviously, the people whose position I contrast with my own can have similar impulses, but, as per my hypothesis, they may have a different rationale.