i am losing hope and belief

first of all happy easter. i am losing belief of being christian and everything. i find it hard to believe that God would create us but not put us in heaven to begin with. why would God even make us. why would he send his son to die to save us from the thing he said are sins? i feel like im asking stupid questions. i am gay or at least bi, but people say that’s a sin and if it is why would me loving someone deeply and having a faithful relationship, be a sin just because they happen to be the same gender. i also feel like i have to be perfect. like i can’t lie, can’t masterbait, can’t be human and make mistakes. i’m not saying sinning is okay, but im asking what is a good christian, and why would our sins matter if jesus died for them. if you can answer any of my questions or give me guidance that would be greatly appreciated.