My gf (F19) and I (M23) have cheated on each other. Would I be blinded by love if I stay with her?

Before I start, I know people will say I’m going to skip reading what I’m going to write and just assume for me to leave by just reading the title. But I really want the readers to hear me out, listen to context and tell me if it’s still a good idea to try to get back.

We started dating in October. We had a very good first month of getting to know each other, always hanging out, always spending hours and hours together. She invited me to sleep at her house, I enjoyed the sleep over and I fell inlove with her since that day. Oct 30th I asked her to be my gf and she said yes. From then till November 25 it was good then we had our first argument. At the time she was taking long to reply, always taking 10+ mins plus to answer and starts answering alittle faster at the night time before she says goodnight.

Anyways I wasn’t aware of any of what she did behind my back till December 31. One of the days we were having a sleep over, a guy calls her number with a contact saved as his name. I’m like who is that? She gave me the most suspicious answer so I told her I’m leaving. I left. We kinda broke up, but with no proof of who he was I took her back assuming he was a guy from the past who wanted to rekindle with her. 2-3 weeks ago by into December and I never forgot about the incident so I kept waiting and I waited for my chande to get his number. I ended up getting it December 25th. It took me a solid 5 days to grow a pair of … and call him. I was too scared of what I would hear. Anyways new years comes around and I finally guilt thr courage to call him. He told me what I had only thought would be things I hear about online, not actually done to me… behind my back.

He was surprised that she had a man but he suspected it. anyways he told me he fuked her on the first time he met her.. and then he met her a couple days after and fuked her again. Bear in mind this is happening after our first argument. At the time of me finding out she cheated she had a trip with her family to Miami and so it left me to suffer alone while she’s gone enjoying her time after finding out she cheated on me. The night I found out I went to her, picked her up, it was just me talking and her looking at me with crocodile tears. And she apologized so many times and I dropped her off without any light on how it will be after this. The next few days while she was in Miami she was trying to text me a few messages every few hours. Stuff like “plz baby” “plz give me a chance” she just repeated a lot of stuff she was saying but she didn’t explain her actions. She just said that she did what she did because she thought if she told me her real age I wouldn’t have taken her serious and would have left.

While she was in Miami I did no contact. I wasn’t replying and wasn’t engaging in anything. Till around 3 days after doing no contact I replied. We went back and forth and had a few arguments while she was there but I had told her when you get back we will talk and we can go on a 3 days trip and get closer and talk about what it was. At the sam time I had the mentality of trying to lure her in so I can check her phone. Anyways she came back from Miami, we met up. And I ended up going through her phone when she slept. I found out even worse stuff and realized the whole time she was in Miami she had a secret Snapchat account where she was texting 15+ guys plus. I read every convo, all the videos of her looking good in Miami she never sent me. Bear in mind she was sending these guys she knows that aren’t serious about her stuff she wasn’t sending me. And I’m not even talking body stuff I’m talking simple looking good in a dress type of video. While the whole time she was posting me on her instagram story and made it clear she’s taken, by me. I waited for her to wake up and when she saw my face she realized something was terribly wrong. I told her I can’t believe you would do this and ranted on… I proceeded to tell her I’m gonna leave, I don’t care about the air bnb reservation anymore. We left she dropped me off and I left . Bear in mind also that through this whole relationship she hasn’t had to worry about a thing when she was with me. Whether it’s doing an activity, getting food, putting gas in her car, getting her flowers every other week, always asking her to answer faster and be more intimate whenever I’m not there. I always did stuff, she would more less expect the man to do more the the girl. She doesn’t work neither does she have a lot of money yet she still gifted me smth 2 times. And I wasn’t even wanting anything good, I just wanted to be reminded I’m appreciated… even a card or a note.

So after she dropped me off we didn’t talk for 1-2 days and then we talked after and ended up getting closer then before. We slept together for 3 weeks straight and I realized i like her a lot even after knowing she cheated I truly wanted to give her another chance. And I did. So as I said we spent 3 weeks from the end of January till Valentine’s Day.

Valentine’s Day came around, we had an argument in her family house and I ended up leaving. I also played a big role as when she gave me major attitude I just said under my breath I don’t remember fully but it was along the lines of calling her “a b*tch”. After I left her house she texted me 3 times 2 hours separate and she’s stopped at 4pm. I noticed that her location was in a random school parking lot at 12am. To which I just said enough and drove to it. I was flying toward the school in hopes she doesn’t leave and her location coincidentally goes off when I was 5 mins away. Bear in mind it was only her location on at the time, mines was off because I was showing I wasn’t happy with her cause of what she did in the past. Anyways I get to the school and I see one car parked with the lights on. I drive up to it directly and I see her in the back with another guy eating food with her laying on top of him. I got out, told her don’t be a coward hiding in the car get out and talk to me. The guy thinking he’s captain Batman gets out thinking he will do something. I told him straight what are you doing here with her, you know she had a man this whole time. He answers all sneaky saying that he doesn’t wanna answer me and just wants me to chill. I kept saying I don’t even have a problem with you but tell me what was she doing with you, you do know I’ve invested the last 4 months of my daily life with her….he kept tryna dodge and say he doesn’t have anything to say. And so she finally finds the courage to get out, and she says “you ghosted me all day and called me a b*tch” and I realized once again she found another excuse to cheat on me.

I wasn’t ready to give up and so after we talked she really convinced me that she did what she did because I ghosted her and said rude stuff..the next day I bring her over to my house for the first time to make her take me seriously . She mets my family for the first time and stayed the night with me. I had hoped it made her taken me serious but yet the damage was done from what she had previously done to me like cheating on me multiple times. Bear in mind since this all happened she hadn’t spent more then 3 days collectively in her house. She would leave everyday regardless of what it was for she was leaving everyday whether it’s to go eat, go gym, meet her friend. There was always a reason and an excuse. I told her 10s of times to stop it and she never did. So she ended up crashing her dad’s car on February 28th. The day we were sleeping together when I went through her iPad and found out more things that had happened when she cheated on me back in December. So I left her house and told her I’m done. She then goes to meet her friend the friend who was advising her to cheat on me on Valentine’s Day. She had promised me she will cut her off but she proceeded to go and try pick her up. And she brought her back home to have dinner with her family. After that dinner she chilled with her for a it in her house before going to drop her home. Bear in mind we werent talking during this whole 4-5 hour ordeal with her best friend and dropping her off. But at around 12am I was monitoring her location when I saw she was just in the middle of the highway for 5 mins. I realized smth is wrong I called her, she answered with the car flipped on the roof and blood coming out of her nose. She didn’t say anything other than crying on the FaceTime and she ended it. I fully assumed she was with a guy again and he was showing off his car or something. I flew out my house and went straight to her crash where I found the crash and the cops told me she was uninjured but I couldn’t see her as her dad and mom were already with her in the ambulance. She ended up going home and uninjured just a few cuts and bruises. Her mom came to my car to let me know she’s ok and nothing serious happened. They didn’t let me see her or anything so I felt super leftout by the family. I was so worried about there daughter I left my bed at 12am to see if she was ok. So I just drove to her street and called her when she got home I told her if she needed anything I’m here. Her dad took her phone and told me she will have to leave and that he will take her phone and other electronics. So for a couple of days I was left with radio silence. Nothing. Only a few texts and that was it for a couple of days tilll I got to see her one of the days no one was home except her. We walked the dogs, went to McDonald’s and I went home after. During this time I was rethinking a lot, I wasn’t fully confident in her because of always having to beg for change. The only time change ever happened was when she was physically forced by her dad to stay in the house

After seeing how things have been going I did ended up playing a few games off her playbook and started texting two girls outside the country. I just texted them for entertainment, validation, and the things I have felt that made me insecure that she put me through. I started doubting my ability to get women even tho it was from just cutting off all girls for her. Just for her to cheat on me multiple times. I texted two girls for no more the 4/5 days together. She found out a week later after I slept with her and she went through my phone. She told me about it, we had a 2 days break and I ended up coming back apologizing to her and telling her it was because of what she did in the past that made me do it and not take her seriously. She said that she would give me a chance and that she isn’t the type of person to do a revenge.

We get back together we get into a restart and after trying to be super nice, showing her love again, not being argumentative and just tryna enjoy my time with her. One day I woke up and I see she is on Do not disturb. I texted her Goodmorning, no answer. Why’s your phone on dnd? No answer. I then say plz answer what are you doing. I then start calling her, she declines, declines again, declines again and then she shuts off her phone. For 2 hours and at 2pm she answers me. She tells me she had a tattoo client and that she couldn’t answer. I knew right away she was chewing as that’s not her reaction to when she has a client. She would at least answer me and tell me I’m busy. She just turned off her phone.

We went to the cottage, it went very good first two days, the third day we went to meet her friend. Her and her friend did so many things that annoyed me yet i was still paying for there meals, and paying for here shisha and drinks. And yet when we first met she tells my girlfriend if she would be down to go to a jazz bar . as if she doesn’t have a boyfriend sitting right across from her. I showed my frustration with what she said. Also, whenever we got to the shisha place she had said I’m gonna go to the washroom with her friend.. she proceed to take 15 mins and then she comes back. Acts normal and when we’re about to leave she goes to the toilet again for 10-15 mins.

Next day in the Air bnb she wakes up takes a shower I got on her iPad and I go through her messages, I saw the most heart dropping things I ever seen. The guy she told me she went on a brunch with she actually slept with him. She met him on tinder and slept with him while she was with me, but supposedly it was because she was confused after she found out I texted two girls. She didn’t know what to do but she forgot that when I texted the two girls she told me that she wouldn’t do revenge as she’s not that type. But there’s more! There was other chat were this guy sent her pics of himself and was asking them very private questions and she was going alone with it. Telling him he looks delicious and he should wait and see what she does with him. I couldn’t hold myself I ran into the shower and said nice! And literally just started laughing. I told her to get out yet bear in mind we went tot a cottage that was 220km north of middle of no mans land. No one was gonna drive that far to pick me up when I caught her she told me that apprandlty she was gonna leave yesterday anyways after what happened with me and how I was acting with her and her bestfriend. I told her you can leave but I promise if you leave it’s literally beef and it’s more then you just cheating one me. You’re well aware you are my only ride back and if you leave I will not take you back and will not forgive. And so we just ended up talking and I was crying the whole time, telling him how could she do it all over again and that there is no excuse and no reason. I told her how do you love me but do that, we went back and forth and she ended up apologizing multiple times yet the damage has been done. She went from I was doing tattoo to I was having a brunch with I guy I didn’t like to I slept at his house and I saw his message to her he asked her if she only got with him for fun only.

Here I am now, a full day after I found out. Were texting but I’m not ok, I don’t know how to heal and get over her. And even when I said we can try but you truly ruined it she still take 10-15 mins to respond and still isn’t giving me my attention I want. Yet I don’t wanna give up on her as she’s been the closest thing I found to a match in years.

If your advice is to get away, I wanna ask how. I have been so attached whenever we go no contact for more then 2-3 days I panick and try to rescue her from leaving even tho she does so much to hurt me. But then again a side of me tells me I haven’t been perfect for her and that it somewhat is my fault…