Reached my breaking point with ADHD

I’m using the Siri option to type this right now. I feel awful right now. I finished 3 12 hour shifts in a row as a nurse. I am drunk from wine right now and I’m crying because I can’t have healthy relationships to save my life. I’m pretty sure I have ADHD undiagnosed because I’m high functioning and I don’t have a family doctor. But it affects my personal life so much. I love this man I’m seeing right now, but I don’t know how to express affection or communicate or be in a healthy relationship. It’s just all about how I feel and getting that dopamine craving from him and I feel so attached to him. I thought I had BPD at one point, but I talked my therapist and they’re pretty sure it’s ADHD and that makes sense to me. I’m just tired of patterns repeating in my relationships and I want to work on these things, but it’s so hard and I think I would benefit from medication, but I don’t even know how to go about getting that. This is honestly making me suicidal because I feel like isolated from everybody in my life. It’s not only my romantic relationships. I struggle with everybody and being overstimulated and irritated, but being hyper fixated on my romantic interest and depending on them to make me feel better, which is so unfair to them. I’m just ranting. I’m not sure what to expect from the comments.