i hate being so messed up

ik i already posted something similar but i dont have anyone to talk to :( idk where else to post other than where ive already posted but i dont wanna spam. .

but. my dad wasnt really present for me in my life and when he was he was rlly mean and hurtful, physically and emotionally, and jt rlly messed me up

and now i end up seeking to be trested like a daughter in places i shouldnt, or idk. i just wanna be loved and its. so tough :( i feel like im never gonna bave a childhood. im never gonna get fatherly love or be taken care of. it sucks. im so jealous of people that get all of that.

im so upset that i let these tbings happened to me and i feel dirty