My father passed away yesterday

My father passed away yesterday night, less than 24 hours ago while working overseas, my sister lived with him and when she called us crying he had collapsed on the floor after vomiting blood.

I felt helpless since there was truly nothing I could do, and I feel guilty because I think that if I was there, maybe things could had gone differently. By the time the ambulance arrived he had passed away, the diagnosis they have us was internal bleeding on the stomach and something that clogged his throat while throwing up but I don't remember exactly.

I want to tell people, I want to talk about my feelings but I feel like I will be seeking attention and it makes me sick.

My mother left a few hours ago on a flight to go to my sister and the company he worked for will work out the papers to send him back home so he can have a proper burial.

He had been battling cancer for almost 7 years, had multiple surgeries and still worked harder than anyone I have ever met in order to provide for us a life many could only dream of.

I regret not calling him as much these past few weeks, not telling him I love him, he was meant to return for Eastern this week but from the looks of it, when he returns he'll never leave again.

I'm currently staying at my grandmother's place, me and her both are having alot of trouble coping with that happened and I don't think I've completely understood it myself.

I want to talk to him, to hug him and to give him the gifts I bought from my last trips to Spain, I want to do so many things I didn't and i regret but nothing can change this.

my great grandpa from my mother side used to always say that the biggest grief should only last three days, and I've tried to live my life by this saying. when my pets die, when things break I try to get over it as quickly as I can.

I don't think I'm strong enough for this.