Leaving First Firm?!

Hey y’all! I’m looking for some advice from other attorneys.

I’ve been at my first firm since getting licensed (about a year and a half now), and I’m really struggling with whether it’s time to leave.

For context, I practice family law, and I’ve realized it’s just not for me. A lot of it feels like “he said / she said,” and dealing with the emotional side of clients every day has been draining. I respect the work, but I don’t think it’s a good fit for me longterm.

On top of that, the firm’s training style has basically been sink-or-swim. The partners take pride in that, and while I get that it works for some people, I’ve found it really tough as a newer attorney. I often feel like I’m messing things up or second-guessing how I handled things after the fact. I mean great learning lessons though… but now I feel like I look stupid in this region.

There’s also a ton of staff turnover, and not much in the way of structure or clear procedures. It feels pretty chaotic at times. I’ve been bringing in solid revenue and my billables are super high, but I’m honestly burned out.

My biggest hesitation is that I’m the only associate. I feel like if I leave, the partners will be pissed and I’ll be leaving them in a tough spot.

At the same time, this job has been affecting me pretty badly…high anxiety, not taking care of myself, and questioning whether I even want to practice law anymore.

So I guess my questions are:

Is this just what early practice feels like, or is this a sign I’m in the wrong firm/area?

Has anyone left family law and found something that felt more sustainable?

Any advice on how to handle leaving when you’re the only associate?

Appreciate any insight, I’m feeling pretty stuck right now and I’m tired of constantly crying and not enjoying life.