I really need help with my mum

There’s so much to our relationship is so fucking complicated it hurts but I really need help and I don’t want to deter people bcs it’s a lot of reading so I will keep it short.

I’m severely depressed diagnosed on meds for years been seeing people for year I have a complex array of issues but I’ve been struggling for so long recently my healing is a lot of acceptance this is the way I am there’s no cure there’s no change there just adapting

My mum also severely depressed not diagnosed I just can tell (big clue she’s so suicidal it hurts) she has been for a while I don’t know since when maybe bfr I was i obviously only noticed after being going thru it myself and getting older. She’s in an awful marriage my dad’s a piece of shit I want to love him but my god he’s just so awful to her treats her so badly. She takes a lot of it out on me not in abuse just anger.

This is our life it’s an explosive back and forth. Recently I’ve made the decision to not seek therapy or phyc bcs I’ve had awful invalidating experiences I’ve given up trying to cure me but my mum has no idea what to do with this she wants to help but her idea is to fix a problem that cannot be fixed

It baffles me how she is still SHOKED when I have depressive episodes after being on anti depressants for three years??! She will still chalk it up to bad behaviour you are trying to make me upset.

She’s so busy with her life works two jobs does everything around the house I’m not able to help. Call me lazy it’s okay. I work two jobs as well (trying to move the fuck out) when it comes to home stuff I’m just dead I get so frustrated and angry. If it was just her I’d be okay but anything with my father makes me so angry. I feel so guilty to ask for her sit with when I’m upset and she tells me she has no time and then says should I quit my job I know I’m a bad mother.

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