My [22M] potential girlfriend [21F] keeps a private IG account without me
I've been with this girl, let's call her CC, for around 3 months now, not very long, but we like each other a lot. My primary issue is how differently we see social media. Yes, I know, social media sucks and is the root of all evil, etc. CC has a private spam (finsta) account with her closest friends, and it's more like a diary. She has ~30 people in it with people she's known for years and around 20 posts.
Her account is different from others though. She writes out her feelings for the period of time she is posting about in depth. She was very open about it with me, I was not added, but she showed me a few entries of her weeks/months including some pictures about and of her past relationships, the collage book she made for her ex of them two, and some other pictures that were generally sprinkled in. Her latest entry was me, and how I made her feel.
Personally for me, I have two issues here. I don't feel personally okay knowing she is keeping pictures of her past relationships posted for all her closest friends to see and access, and not only their pictures but just how in-love she was with them at the time period. I 100% understand wanting to keep certain momentos that will always be meaningful even past a relationship, but for me, those things are private and WAY more private than posting them for ~30 of my closest friends to see and always have access to.
I asked her, and said I know it's a lot of work and I really don't want to be prying into her private space, but it makes me uncomfortable knowing she has posts up about her past relationships and how much they meant to her in the past, and would she be okay going back and editing information with her past relationships out and removing their picture? She said she wanted to keep the entries of the past, which I understood, and though editing was too much effort. I understand this is more like a diary for her, but my problem is that her closest friends and family get to see all her gushing about her past relationships's while I'm right above it. It feel disrespectful that she can't take it down while she still keeps the rest for herself. I fear that she values it being online and visible for others (her friends), although I'm sure nobody is really look bad, it's just strange and uncomfortable for me.
Secondly, she has never had her SO on her spam. Her last two relationships, she never told them about it. That threw me off, because that's so different from any and all relationships I know. My friends and their girlfriends have private accounts/photodumps and they post cute pictures of each other. I wanted that. CC's spam is more of a diary, one that everyone close to her had access to except for her SO (including me). That bothers me, because I've been on plenty of my friend's spams and I feel like it's strange for me to not "know" certain parts of her life and past that others, including people she doesn't really talk to, but has known for years, do.
She told me, for her it's a private space away from her relationship. I 100% believe in privacy in relationships, but I thought privacy meant conversations with her cousins/friends, not photodumps and paragraphs of her last 3 months that everyone, BUT her SO can read about. I'd understand if this were 4 or 5 of her closest knit girlfriends from elementary school, but there's other guys on there that aren't me that she hasn't talked to in a while.
Is it just an issue of incompatible values? I am willing to compromise, but I don't know how.
Posted Apr 6, 2026, 1:19 PM UTC