I feel like I’m raising my boyfriend

Problem/Goal:

I want clarity on whether I should finally leave this relationship for good, and how to set firm boundaries—especially financially and emotionally—without feeling guilty or being pulled back in.

context:

Hi… please be kind. I’m already carrying a lot and I just really need honest advice. it’s kinda long pls bear with meee.

I’m 21F and I’ve been with my boyfriend (21M) for 5 years. We’ve known each other since high school, and we’re each other’s first in everything. Kaya sobrang hirap for me to even open this up.

We come from very different situations. Siya, kahit hindi sila mayaman, he has his family to support him if ever something goes wrong. Nahihiya lang siya humingi, but I know they’re there for him.

Ako naman, I don’t really have that kind of support. I come from a toxic family, so I had to work while studying just to get by.

I’m currently a Mass Com student in the morning and a call center agent at night. It’s honestly exhausting dahil kulang sa tulog, stressed sa school, pressured sa life. But what’s stressing me more lately is my BOYFRIEND..

Right now, he’s not studying and doesn’t have a stable job. May maliit siyang bigasan business na okay sana, especially since maganda pwesto. Pero hindi siya consistent. May passion kasi siya sa dancing, and I respect that, pero ang nangyayari, iniiwan niya yung tindahan kapag may practice or sayaw sila. Ending, walang bantay = walang kita. (saking pera yung ginamit para magkabigasan siya)

Kapag nalulugi siya, he borrows money from me. At first, okay lang, I was very supportive. Sayang din kasi yung negosyo. But now, I don’t see the effort anymore.

Sinasabi niya he’s doing his best, but honestly, bare minimum na lang naman ginagawa niya. Like, naglalaro siya ng valo & natutulog while bantay ng tindahan to the point na umaalis na customers kasi hindi niya naririnig. Nag oopen siya ng mga 8 am or mas late pa kasi late rin siya nagigising. That doesn’t feel like “best” anymore.

Ako rin yung gumagastos sa halos lahat food, dates, travel. I even bought a motorcycle for him so he could try Lalamove/Joyride, and I paid for his license too. While doing all that, I’m also supporting myself and my studies.

I even found him a WFH job pero bumagsak siya sa training because he missed activities and meetings due to dance practice and performance nila. That caused a lot of fights between us.

To be fair, he is a good person. He’s caring, expressive, and supportive emotionally. I know that if he only had ₱20, he would gladly give it to me. He cooks for me, he respects me, and his family even took me in when I had nowhere safe to go since i have abusive household. In a way, he really helped me during my lowest point.

But at the same time… he feels like a manchild.

Burara siya after cooking, iniiwan lang lahat ng kalat. Clothes everywhere. Even basic things like flushing the toilet or doing laundry, hindi niya magawa properly. He can literally sleep the 24 hrs if no one forces him to get up or di pa ako magagalit.

I’ve seen all these red flags while staying with them, but I keep holding on because I believe in his potential just like how he believes in me.

But lately, it’s been too much.

Like today, I was supposed to rest before my shift, pero kailangan ko pang maghugas ng plato from yesterday habang siya naglalaro lang ng basketball.

I’ve tried breaking up with him multiple times, pero ayaw niya tanggapin. Lagi niyang sinasabi na babawi siya at magbabago, pero honestly naiinip na ako.

Alam ko naman kaya niya if he really wanted to. Pero hanggang kailan ako maghihintay?

Should I finally leave for good?

Paano ko ba ipapaintindi sa kanya na final na no more chances?

Or should I still help him in any way? Kasi one thing I’m sure of, ayoko na magbigay ng financial help. Ang dami na niyang unpaid utang sakin at online and I feel like I’m just enabling him.

Thank you sa magbabasa. Please don’t screenshot or share. 🙏