I feel like I’m done living

I am just going through it mentally. I think about offing myself but I don’t have the guts to do it myself. I don’t know where my life is going career wise and I’m not loving my current job. It’s a government job. I tried calling my boss back from a job I had at an hvac company and she would hire me right now but they cut hours a bit so she wants to wait alittle before she hires me back, which makes me a little happy. I feel that I may be going backwards instead of propelling forward but I was happy there..